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Henny Youngman
 American (English-born) comedian

| “ | I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
| ” |
| “ | I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. | ” |
| “ | I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. | ” |
| “ | My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
| ” |
| “ | When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
| ” |

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