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Rodney Dangerfield
American actor & comedian
| “ | A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home. | ” |
| “ | I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. | ” |
| “ | I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. | ” |
| “ | I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
| ” |
| “ | Life is just a bowl of pits.
| ” |
| “ | My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. | ” |
| “ | My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it. | ” |
| “ | My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. | ” |
| “ | When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. | ” |
| “ | When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look ... twins! | ” |
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