Chapter 4

Fourth Act

SCENE

Same as Act II.

[LORD GORING is standing by the fireplace with his hands in his pockets. He is looking rather bored.]

LORD GORING
[Pulls out his watch, inspects it, and rings the bell.] It is a great nuisance. I can't find any one in this house to talk to. And I am full of interesting information. I feel like the latest edition of something or other.

[Enter servant.]

JAMES
Sir Robert is still at the Foreign Office, my lord.

LORD GORING
Lady Chiltern not down yet?

JAMES
Her ladyship has not yet left her room. Miss Chiltern has just come in from riding.

LORD GORING
[To himself.] Ah! that is something.

JAMES
Lord Caversham has been waiting some time in the library for Sir Robert. I told him your lordship was here.

LORD GORING
Thank you! Would you kindly tell him I've gone?

JAMES
[Bowing.] I shall do so, my lord.

[Exit servant.]

LORD GORING
Really, I don't want to meet my father three days running. It is a great deal too much excitement for any son. I hope to goodness he won't come up. Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basin for family life. Mothers are different. Mothers are darlings. [Throws himself down into a chair, picks up a paper and begins to read it.]

[Enter LORD CAVERSHAM.]

LORD CAVERSHAM
Well, sir, what are you doing here? Wasting your time as usual, I suppose?

LORD GORING
[Throws down paper and rises.] My dear father, when one pays a visit it is for the purpose of wasting other people's time, not one's own.

LORD CAVERSHAM
Have you been thinking over what I spoke to you about last night?

LORD GORING
I have been thinking about nothing else.

LORD CAVERSHAM
Engaged to be married yet?

LORD GORING
[Genially.] Not yet: but I hope to be before lunch- time.

LORD CAVERSHAM
[Caustically.] You can have till dinner-time if it would be of any convenience to you.

LORD GORING
Thanks awfully, but I think I'd sooner be engaged before lunch.

LORD CAVERSHAM
Humph! Never know when you are serious or not.

LORD GORING
Neither do I, father.

[A pause.]

LORD CAVERSHAM
I suppose you have read THE TIMES this morning?

LORD GORING
[Airily.] THE TIMES? Certainly not. I only read THE MORNING POST. All that one should know about modern life is where the Duchesses are; anything else is quite demoralising.

LORD CAVERSHAM
Do you mean to say you have not read THE TIMES leading article on Robert Chiltern's career?

LORD GORING
Good heavens! No. What does it say?

LORD CAVERSHAM
What should it say, sir? Everything complimentary, of course. Chiltern's