Act 3 - Page 2

the same time as other people. Will you take the time from me?

CECILY
Certainly. [GWENDOLEN beats time with uplifted finger.]

GWENDOLEN and CECILY
[Speaking together.] Your Christian names are still an insuperable barrier. That is all!

JACK and ALGERNON
[Speaking together.] Our Christian names! Is that all? But we are going to be christened this afternoon.

GWENDOLEN
[To JACK.] For my sake you are prepared to do this terrible thing?

JACK
I am.

CECILY
[To ALGERNON.] To please me you are ready to face this fearful ordeal?

ALGERNON
I am!

GWENDOLEN
How absurd to talk of the equality of the sexes! Where questions of self-sacrifice are concerned, men are infinitely beyond us.

JACK
We are. [Clasps hands with ALGERNON.]

CECILY
They have moments of physical courage of which we women know absolutely nothing.

GWENDOLEN
[To JACK.] Darling!

ALGERNON
[To CECILY.] Darling! [They fall into each other's arms.]

[Enter MERRIMAN. When he enters he coughs loudly, seeing the situation.]

MERRIMAN
Ahem! Ahem! Lady Bracknell!

JACK
Good heavens!

[Enter LADY BRACKNELL. The couples separate in alarm. Exit MERRIMAN.]

LADY BRACKNELL
Gwendolen! What does this mean?

GWENDOLEN
Merely that I am engaged to be married to Mr. Worthing, mamma.

LADY BRACKNELL
Come here. Sit down. Sit down immediately. Hesitation of any kind is a sign of mental decay in the young, of physical weakness in the old. [Turns to JACK.] Apprised, sir, of my daughter's sudden flight by her trusty maid, whose confidence I purchased by means of a small coin, I followed her at once by a luggage train. Her unhappy father is, I am glad to say, under the impression that she is attending a more than usually lengthy lecture by the University Extension Scheme on the Influence of a permanent income on Thought. I do not propose to undeceive him. Indeed I have never undeceived him on any question. I would consider it wrong. But of course, you will clearly understand that all communication between yourself and my daughter must cease immediately from this moment. On this point, as indeed on all points, I am firm.

JACK
I am engaged to be married to Gwendolen Lady Bracknell!

LADY BRACKNELL
You are nothing of the kind, sir. And now, as regards Algernon! . . . Algernon!

ALGERNON
Yes, Aunt Augusta.

LADY BRACKNELL
May I ask if it is in this house that your invalid friend Mr. Bunbury resides?

ALGERNON
[Stammering.] Oh! No! Bunbury doesn't live here. Bunbury is somewhere else at present. In fact, Bunbury is dead,

LADY BRACKNELL
Dead! When did Mr. Bunbury die? His death must have been extremely sudden.

ALGERNON