20. About Abroad - Page 2

naturally into two unequal
and non-equivalent portions--Abroad and England. Of these two, Abroad is
much the larger country; but England, though smaller, is vastly more
important. Abroad is inhabited by Frenchmen and Germans, who speak their
own foolish and chattering languages. Part of it is likewise pervaded by
Chinamen, who wear pigtails; and the outlying districts belong to the
poor heathen, chiefly interesting as a field of missionary enterprise,
and a possible market for Manchester piece-goods. We sometimes invest
our money abroad, but then we are likely to get it swallowed up in
Mexicans or Egyptian Unified. If you ask most people what has become of
Tom, they will answer at once with the specific information, "Oh, Tom
has gone Abroad." I have one stereotyped rejoinder to an answer like
that. "What part of Abroad, please?" That usually stumps them. Abroad is
Abroad; and like the gentleman who was asked in examination to "name the
minor prophets," they decline to make invidious distinctions. It is
nothing to them whether he is tea-planting in the Himalayas, or
sheep-farming in Australia, or orange-growing in Florida, or ranching in
Colorado. If he is not in England, why then he is elsewhere; and
elsewhere is Abroad, one and indivisible.

In short, Abroad answers in space to that well-known and definite date,
the Olden Time, in chronology.

People will tell you, "Foreigners do this"; "Foreigners do that";
"Foreigners smoke so much"; "Foreigners always take coffee for
breakfast." "Indeed," I love to answer; "I've never observed it myself
in Central Asia." 'Tis Parson Adams and the Christian religion. Nine
English people out of ten, when they talk of Abroad, mean what they call
the Continent; and when they talk of the Continent, they mean France,
Germany, Switzerland, Italy; in short, the places most visited by
Englishmen when they consent now and again to go Abroad for a holiday.
"I don't like Abroad," a lady once said to me on her return from Calais.
Foreigners, in like manner, means Frenchmen, Germans, Swiss, Italians.
In the country called Abroad, the most important parts are the parts
nearest England; of the people called Foreigners, the most important are
those who dress like Englishmen. The dim black lands that lie below the
horizon are hardly worth noticing.

Would it surprise you to learn that most people live in Asia? Would it
surprise you to learn that most people are poor benighted heathen, and
that, of the remainder, most people are Mahommedans, and that of the
Christians, who come next, most people are Roman Catholics, and that, of
the other Christian sects, most people belong to the Greek Church,