Chapter 11 - Page 2

his toast;
"but to those who have more than a modicum of brains my reverend
friend's remark was not entirely clear. If I am talking of cotton, and a
gentleman chooses to state that it looks like snow, I know exactly what
he means. He doesn't mean that the day looks like snow, however; he
refers to the cotton. Mr. Whitechoker, talking about coffee, chooses to
state that it looks like rain, which it undoubtedly does. I, realizing
that, as Mrs. Smithers says, it is not the gentleman's habit to attack
too violently the food which is set before him, manifest some surprise,
and, giving the gentleman the benefit of the doubt, afford him an
opportunity to set himself right."

"Change the subject," said the Bibliomaniac, curtly.

"With pleasure," answered the Idiot, filling his glass with cream.
"We'll change the subject, or the object, or anything you choose. We'll
have another breakfast, or another variety of biscuits _frapp�_--anything,
in short, to keep peace at the table. Tell me, Mr. Pedagog," he added,
"is the use of the word 'it,' in the sentence 'it looks like rain,'
perfectly correct?"

"I don't know why it is not," returned the School-master, uneasily. He
was not at all desirous of parleying with the Idiot.

"And is it correct to suppose that 'it' refers to the day--is the day
supposed to look like rain?--or do we simply use 'it' to express a
condition which confronts us?"

"It refers to the latter, of course."

"Then the full text of Mr. Whitechoker's remark is, I suppose, that 'the
rainy condition of the atmosphere which confronts us looks like rain?'"

"Oh, I suppose so," sighed the School-master, wearily.

"Rather an unnecessary sort of statement that!" continued the Idiot.
"It's something like asserting that a man looks like himself, or, as in
the case of a child's primer--

"'See the cat?'

"'Yes, I see the cat.'

"'What is the cat?'

"'The cat is a cat. Scat cat!'"

At this even Mrs. Smithers smiled.

"I don't agree with Mr. Pedagog," put in the Bibliomaniac, after a
pause.

Here the School-master shook his head warningly at the Bibliomaniac, as
if to indicate that he was not in good form.

"So I observe," remarked the Idiot. "You have upset him completely. See
how Mr. Pedagog trembles?" he added, addressing the genial gentleman who
occasionally imbibed.

[Illustration: "'I BELIEVE YOU'D BLOW OUT THE GAS IN YOUR BED-ROOM'"]

"I don't mean that way," sneered the Bibliomaniac, bound to set Mr.
Whitechoker straight.