5 - The Olympian Links

"There," said Adonis, as he put the finishing touch to my costume.
"You look like a champion. Do you play golf, sir?"

"There's a difference of opinion about that, Adonis," I replied, my
mind reverting to the number of handicap matches I hadn't won. "Some
people who have observed my game say I don't. Have you links here?"

"Have we links?" he cried. "Well, rather. They're said to be the best
in the universe."

"And are they handy?"

"Very--in the season."

"I don't quite catch the idea," I said.

"Oh, sometimes the course is nearer than it is at others. Come here a
minute," he said, "and I'll point it out to you."

He drew me to the wonderful window of which I have already spoken, and
through the powerful glass pointed in the direction of Mars.

"See that?" he said.

"Yes," I replied. "That is Mars."

"Exactly," said Adonis. "Mars is the Olympian links. His distance from
here varies, as you are probably aware. When Mars is near aphelion he
is 61,800,000 miles away, but in his perihelion he gets it down to
33,800,000. That's why we have our golf season while Mars is in his
perihelion. It saves us 28,000,000 miles in getting there."

I laughed. "You call that handy, do you?" I said.

"Why not?" he asked. "It's a matter of five minutes on a bike, ten
minutes in the automobile, and twenty minutes if you walk."

"Of course, Adonis," said I, "I'm not so green as to swallow all that.
How the dickens can you walk through space?"

"You're vastly greener than you think you are," he retorted, rather
uncivilly, perhaps, for a valet, but I paid no attention to that,
preferring to take him, despite his menial capacity, in his godlike
personality. "I might even say, sir, that your greenness is spacious.
You judge us from your own mean, limited, mundane point of view. But
you needn't think because you earth people cannot walk on air we
Olympians are equally incapacitated. You can walk there in two ways.
One of these is to fasten a pair of ankle-wings on your legs; the
other is to purchase a pair of sky-scrapers. These are simple,
consisting merely of boots with gas soles. You inflate the soles with
gas and walk along. It's simple and easy, doesn't require any
practice, and as long as you keep up in the air and don't step on
church steeples or weather-vanes it's perfectly safe. Of course, if
you stepped on a sharp-pointed weather-vane, or a lightning-rod, and
punctured your sole, there's no telling what would happen."

"And how