Chapter 4

"I see the men are at work on the pavements this morning," said the
School-Master, gazing out through the window at a number of laborers at
work in the street.

"Yes," said the Idiot, calmly, "and I think Mrs. Pedagog ought to sue the
Department of Public Works for libel. If she hasn't a case no maligned
person ever had."

"What are you saying, sir?" queried the landlady, innocently.

"I say," returned the Idiot, pointing out into the street, "that you
ought to sue the Department of Public Works for libel. They've got their
sign right up against your house. _No Thorough Fare_ is what it says.
That's libel, isn't it, Mr. Brief?"

"It is certainly a fatal criticism of a boarding-house," observed Mr.
Brief, with a twinkle in his eye, "but Mrs. Pedagog could hardly secure
damages on that score."

"I don't know about that," returned the Idiot. "As I understand it, it is
an old maxim of the law that the greater the truth the greater the libel.
Mrs. Pedagog ought to receive a million----By-the-way, what have we this
morning?"

"We have steak and fried potatoes, sir," replied Mrs. Pedagog, frigidly.
"And I desire to add, that one who criticises the table as much as you do
would do well to get his meals outside."

"That, Mrs. Pedagog, is not the point. The difficulty I find here lies in
getting my meals inside," said the Idiot.

"Mary, you may bring in the mush," observed Mrs. Pedagog, pursing her
lips, as she always did when she wished to show that she was offended.

"Yes, Mary," put in the School-Master; "let us have the mush as quickly
as possible--and may it not be quite such mushy mush as the remarks we
have just been favored with by our talented friend the Idiot."

"You overwhelm me with your compliments, Mr. Pedagog," replied the Idiot,
cheerfully. "A flatterer like you should live in a flat."

"Has your friend completed his article on old jokes yet?" queried the
Bibliomaniac, with a smile and some apparent irrelevance.

[Illustration: "HAS YOUR FRIEND COMPLETED HIS ARTICLE ON OLD JOKES?"]

"Yes and no," said the Idiot. "He has completed his labors on it by
giving it up. He is a very thorough sort of a fellow, and he intended
to make the article comprehensive, but he found he couldn't, because,
judging from comments of men like you, for instance, he was forced to
conclude that there never was a _new_ joke. But, as I was saying the
other morning----"

"Do you really remember what you say?" sneered Mr. Pedagog. "You must
have a