Chapter 20

David and Porthos Compared

But Mary spoilt it all, when I sent David back to her in the
morning, by inquiring too curiously into his person and
discovering that I had put his combinations on him with the
buttons to the front. For this I wrote her the following
insulting letter. When Mary does anything that specially annoys
me I send her an insulting letter. I once had a photograph taken
of David being hanged on a tree. I sent her that. You can't
think of all the subtle ways of grieving her I have. No woman
with the spirit of a crow would stand it.

"Dear Madam [I wrote], It has come to my knowledge that when you
walk in the Gardens with the boy David you listen avidly for
encomiums of him and of your fanciful dressing of him by passers-
by, storing them in your heart the while you make vain pretence
to regard them not: wherefore lest you be swollen by these very
small things I, who now know David both by day and by night, am
minded to compare him and Porthos the one with the other, both in

this matter and in other matters of graver account. And touching
this matter of outward show, they are both very lordly, and
neither of them likes it to be referred to, but they endure in
different ways. For David says 'Oh, bother!' and even at times
hits out, but Porthos droops his tail and lets them have their
say. Yet is he extolled as beautiful and a darling ten times for
the once that David is extolled.

"The manners of Porthos are therefore prettier than the manners
of David, who when he has sent me to hide from him behind a tree
sometimes comes not in search, and on emerging tamely from my
concealment I find him playing other games entirely forgetful of
my existence. Whereas Porthos always comes in search. Also if
David wearies of you he scruples not to say so, but Porthos, in
like circumstances, offers you his paw, meaning 'Farewell,' and
to bearded men he does this all the time (I think because of a
hereditary distaste for goats), so that they conceive him to be
enamoured of them when he is only begging them courteously to go.
Thus while the manners of Porthos are more polite it may be
argued that those of David are more efficacious.

"In gentleness David compares ill with Porthos. For whereas the
one shoves and has been known to kick on slight provocation, the
other, who is noisily hated of all small dogs by reason of his
size, remonstrates not, even when they cling in froth and fury to
his chest, but carries them along tolerantly until they drop off
from fatigue. Again, David will not unbend when in the company
of babies, expecting them unreasonably to rise to his level, but
contrariwise Porthos, though terrible to tramps, suffers all
things of babies,