Act II - Page 2

the parties beneath me.
Boots! I tell you if I had been a bootmaker, I should have been the
first bootmaker in London.

LADY CAROLINE (a humourist at last). I am sure you would, Jim; but
should you have made the best boots?

MATEY (uxoriously wishing that others could have heard this). Very
good. Caroliny; that is the nearest thing I have heard you say. But
it's late; we had best be strolling back to our Rolls-Royce.

LADY CAROLINE (as they rise). I do hope the ground wasn't damp.

MATEY. Don't matter if it was; I was lying on your rug.

(Indeed we notice now that he has had all the rug, and she the bare
ground. JOANNA reaches the glade, now an unhappy lady who has got
what she wanted. She is in country dress and is unknown to them as
they are to her.) Who is the mournful party?

JOANNA (hesitating). I wonder, sir, whether you happen to have seen
my husband? I have lost him in the wood.

MATEY. We are strangers in these parts ourselves, missis. Have we
passed any one, Caroliny?

LADY CAROLINE (coyly). Should we have noticed, dear? Might it be that
old gent over there? (After the delightful manner of those happily
wed she has already picked up many of her lover's favourite words and
phrases.)

JOANNA. Oh no, my husband is quite young.

(The woodlander referred to is MR COADE in gala costume; at his mouth
a whistle he has made him from some friendly twig. To its ravishing
music he is seen pirouetting charmingly among the trees, his new
occupation.)

MATEY (signing to the unknown that he is wanted). Seems a merry old
cock. Evening to you, sir. Do you happen to have seen a young
gentleman in the wood lately, all by himself, and looking for his
wife?

COADE (with a flourish of his legs). Can't say I have.

JOANNA (dolefully). He isn't necessarily by himself; and I don't know-
that he is looking for me. There may be a young lady with him.

(The more happily married lady smiles, and Joanna is quick to take
offence.)

JOANNA. What do you mean by that? LADY CAROLINE (neatly). Oho--if
you like that better.

MATEY. Now, now, now--your manners, Caroliny.

COADE. Would he be singing or dancing?

JOANNA. Oh no--at least, I hope not.

COADE (an artist to the tips). Hope not? Odd! If he is doing neither I
am not likely to notice him, but if I do, what name shall I say?

JOANNA (gloating not). Purdie; I am Mrs. Purdie.

COADE. I will try to keep a look-out, and if I see him . . . but I am
rather occupied at present . . . (The reference is to his legs and a
new step they are acquiring. He sways this way and that, and, whistle
to lips, minuets off in the direction of Paradise.)

JOANNA (looking