Chapter 21 - Page 2

respected the case of No. 1, sea-water-color. Ordered, therefore,
that the criminal lose his tail forthwith.

The objection to the other sentence met with no better fate. Men and
monikins did not differ more than some men differed from other men,
or some monikins differed from other monikins. Ordered, that the
sentence be confirmed, with costs. I thought this decision the
soundest of the two; for I had often had occasion to observe, that
there were very startling points of resemblance between monkeys and
our own species.

The contest now commenced between the two attorneys-general in
earnest; and, as the point at issue was a question of mere rank, it
excited a lively--I may say an engrossing--interest in all the
hearers. It was settled, however, after a vigorous discussion, in
favor of the king, whose royal dignity the twelve judges were
unanimously of opinion was entitled to precedency over that of the
queen. To my great surprise, my brother Downright volunteered an
argument on this intricate point, making an exceedingly clever
speech in favor of the king's dignity, as was admitted by every one
who heard it. It rested chiefly on the point that the ashes of the
tail were, by the sentence, to be thrown into the culprit's face. It
is true this might be done physically after decapitation, but it
could not be done morally. This part of the punishment was designed
for a moral effect; and to produce that effect, consciousness and
shame were both necessary. Therefore the moral act of throwing the
ashes into the face of the criminal could only be done while he was
living, and capable of being ashamed.

Meditation, chief-justice, delivered the opinion of the bench. It
contained the usual amount of legal ingenuity and logic, was
esteemed as very eloquent in that part which touched on the sacred
and inviolable character of the royal prerogatives (prerogativae as
he termed them), and was so lucid in pointing out the general
inferiority of the queen-consort, that I felt happy her majesty was
not present to hear herself and sex undervalued. As might have been
expected, it allowed great weight to the distinction taken by the
brigadier. The decision was in the following words, viz.: "Rex et
Regina versus No. 1, sea-water-color: ordered, that the officers of
justice shall proceed forthwith to decaudizate the defendant before
they decapitate him; provided he has not been forthwith decapitated
before he can be decaudizated."

The moment this mandamus was put into the hands of the proper
officer, Brigadier Downright caught me by the knee, and led me out
of the hall of justice, as if both out lives depended on our
expedition. I was about to reproach him for having volunteered to
aid the