Chapter 27

AN EFFECT OF LOGARITHMS ON MORALS--AN OBSCURATION, A DISSERTATION,
AND A CALCULATION.

The house had not long adjourned before Captain Poke and myself were
favored with a visit from our colleague Mr. Downright, who came on
an affair of absorbing interest. He carried in his hand a small
pamphlet; and the usual salutations were scarcely over, before he
directed our attention to a portion of its contents. It would seem
that Leaplow was on the eve of experiencing a great moral eclipse.
The periods and dates of the phenomenon (if that can be called a
phenomenon which was of too frequent occurrence) had been
calculated, with surprising accuracy, by the Academy of Leaphigh,
and sent, through its minister, as an especial favor, to our beloved
country in order that we should not be taken by surprise. The
account of the affair read as follows:--

"On the third day of the season of nuts, there will be the
commencement of a great moral eclipse, in that portion of the
monikin region which lies immediately about the pole. The property
in eclipse will be the great moral postulate usually designated by
the term Principle; and the intervening body will be the great
immoral postulate, usually known as Interest. The frequent
occurrence of the conjunction of these two important postulates has
caused our moral mathematicians to be rather negligent of their
calculations on this subject of late years; but, to atone for this
inexcusable indifference to one of the most important concerns of
life, the calculating committee was instructed to pay unusual
attention to all the obscurations of the present year, and this
phenomenon, one of the most decided of our age, has been calculated
with the utmost nicety and care. We give the results.

"The eclipse will commence by a motive of monikin vanity coming in
contact with the sub-postulate of charity, at 1 A. M. The postulate
in question will be totally hid from view, in the course of 6 h. 17
m. from the moment of contact. The passage of a political intrigue
will instantly follow, when the several sub-postulates of truth,
honesty, disinterestedness, and patriotism, will all be obscured in
succession, beginning with the lower limb of the first, and ending
with all the limbs of the whole of them, in 3 h. 42 m. from the
moment of contact. The shadow of vanity and political intrigue will
first be deepened by the approach of prosperity, and this will be
soon succeeded by the contact of a great pecuniary interest, at 10
h. 2 m. 1s.; and in exactly 2 m. and 3-7 s., the whole of the great
moral postulate of Principle will be totally hid from view. In
consequence of this early passage of the darkest shadow that is ever
cast by Interest, the passages of the respective