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    Chapter 18

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    Chapter 19
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    Chastel's words sank deep in my heart--deeper than words had ever sunk
    before into that somewhat unpromising soil; and although she had
    purposely left me in the dark with regard to many important matters, I
    now resolved to win her esteem, and bind her yet more closely to me by
    correcting those faults in my character she had pointed out with so much

    Alas! the very next day was destined to bring me a sore trouble. On
    entering the breakfast-room I became aware that a shadow had fallen on
    the house. Among his silent people the father sat with gray, haggard
    face and troubled eyes; then Yoletta entered, her sweet face looking
    paler than when I had first seen it after her long punishment, while
    under her heavy, drooping eyelids her skin was stained with that
    mournful purple which tells of a long vigil and a heart oppressed with
    anxiety. I heard with profound concern that Chastel's malady had
    suddenly become aggravated; that she had passed the night in the
    greatest suffering. What would become of me, and of all those bright
    dreams of happiness, if she were to die? was my first idea. But at the
    same time I had the grace to feel ashamed of that selfish thought.
    Nevertheless, I could not shake off the gloom it had produced in me,
    and, too distressed in mind to work or read, I repaired to the Mother's
    Room, to be as near as possible to the sufferer on whose recovery so
    much now depended. How lonely and desolate it seemed there, now that she
    was absent! Those mountain landscapes, glowing with the white radiance
    of mimic sunshine, still made perpetual summer; yet there seemed to be a
    wintry chill and death-like atmosphere which struck to the heart, and
    made me shiver with cold. The day dragged slowly to its close, and no
    rest came to the sufferer, nor sign of improvement to relieve our
    anxiety. Until past midnight I remained at my post, then retired for
    three or four miserable, anxious hours, only to return once more when it
    was scarcely light. Chastel's condition was still unchanged, or, if
    there had been any change, it was for the worse, for she had not slept.
    Again I remained, a prey to desponding thoughts, all day in the room;
    but towards evening Yoletta came to take me to her mother. The summons
    so terrified me that for some moments I sat trembling and unable to
    articulate a word; for I could not but think that Chastel's end was
    approaching. Yoletta, however, divining the cause of my agitation,
    explained that her mother could not sleep for torturing pains in her
    head, and wished me to place my hand on her forehead, to try whether
    that would cause any relief. This seemed to me a not very promising
    remedy; but she told me that on former occasions they had often
    succeeded in procuring her ease by placing a hand on her forehead, and
    that having failed now, Chastel had desired them to call me to her to
    try my hand. I rose, and for the first time entered that sacred chamber,
    where Chastel was lying on a low bed placed on a slightly raised
    platform in the center of the floor. In the dim light her face looked
    white as the pillow on which it rested, her forehead contracted with
    sharp pain, while low moans came at short intervals from her twitching
    lips; but her wide-open eyes were fixed on my face from the moment I
    entered the room, and to me they seemed to express mental anguish rather
    than physical suffering. At the head of the bed sat the father, holding
    her hand in his; but when I entered he rose and made way for me,
    retiring to the foot of the bed, where two of the women were seated. I
    knelt beside the bed, and Yoletta raised and tenderly placed my right
    hand on the mother's forehead, and, after whispering to me to let it
    rest very gently there, she also withdrew a few paces.

    Chastel did not speak, but for some minutes continued her low, piteous
    moanings, only her eyes remained fixed on my face; and at last, becoming
    uneasy at her scrutiny, I said in a whisper: "Dearest mother, do you
    wish to say anything to me?"

    "Yes, come nearer," she replied; and when I had bent my cheek close to
    her face, she continued: "Do not fear, my son; I shall not die. I cannot
    die until that of which I have spoken to you has been accomplished."

    I rejoiced at her words, yet, at the same time, they gave me pain; for
    it seemed as though she knew how much my heart had been troubled by that
    ignoble fear.

    "Dear mother, may I say something?" I asked, wishing to tell her of my

    "Not now; I know what you wish to say," she returned. "Be patient and
    hopeful always, and fear nothing, even though we should be long divided;
    for it will be many days before I can leave this room to speak with you

    So softly had she whispered, that the others who stood so near were not
    aware that she had spoken at all.

    After this brief colloquy she closed her eyes, but for some time the low
    moans of pain continued. Gradually they sank lower, and became less and
    less frequent, while the lines of pain faded out of her white,
    death-like face. And at length Yoletta, stealing softly to my side,
    whispered, "She is sleeping," and withdrawing my hand, led me away.

    When we were again in the Mother's Room she threw her arms about my neck
    and burst into a tempest of tears.

    "Dearest Yoletta, be comforted," I said, pressing her to my breast; "she
    will not die."

    "Oh, Smith, how do you know?" she returned quickly, looking up with her
    eyes still shining with large drops.

    Then, of Chastel's whispered words to me, I repeated those four, "I
    shall not die," but nothing more; they were however, a great relief to
    her, and her sweet, sorrowful face brightened like a drooping flower
    after rain.

    "Ah, she knew, then, that the touch of your hand would cause sleep, that
    sleep would save her," she said, smiling up at me.

    "And you, my darling, how long is it since you closed those sweet
    eyelids that seem so heavy?"

    "Not since I slept three nights ago."

    "Will you sit by me here, resting your head on me, and sleep a little

    "Not there!" she cried quickly. "Not on the mother's couch. But if you
    will sit here, it will be pleasant if I can sleep for a little while,
    resting on you."

    I placed myself on the low seat she led me to, and then, when she had
    coiled herself up on the cushions, with her arms still round my neck,
    and her head resting on my bosom, she breathed a long happy sigh, and
    dropped like a tired child to sleep.

    How perfect my happiness would have been then, with Yoletta in my arms,
    clasping her weary little ministering hands in mine, and tenderly
    kissing her dark, shining hair, but for the fear that some person might
    come there to notice and disturb me. And pretty soon I was startled to
    see the father himself coming from Chastel's chamber to us. Catching
    sight of me he paused, smiling, then advanced, and deliberately sat down
    by my side.

    "This one is sleeping also," he said cheerfully, touching the girl's
    hair with his hand. "But you need not fear, Smith; I think we shall be
    able to talk very well without waking her."

    I had feared something quite different, if he had only known it, and
    felt considerably relieved by his words; nevertheless, I was not
    over-pleased at the prospect of a conversation just then, and should
    have preferred being left alone with my precious burden.

    "My son," he continued, placing a hand on my shoulder, "I sometimes
    recall, not without a smile, the effect your first appearance produced
    on us, when we were startled at your somewhat grotesque pilgrim costume.
    Your attempts at singing, and ignorance of art generally, also impressed
    me unfavorably, and gave me some concern when I thought about the
    future--that is, _your_ future; for it seemed to me that you had
    but slender foundations whereon to build a happy life. These doubts,
    however, no longer trouble me; for on several occasions you have shown
    us that you possess abundantly that richest of all gifts and safest
    guide to happiness--the capacity for deep affection. To this spirit of
    love in you--this summer of the heart which causes it to blossom with
    beautiful thoughts and deeds--I attribute your success just now, when
    the contact of your hand produced the long-desired, refreshing slumber
    so necessary to the mother at this stage of her malady. I know that this
    is a mysterious thing; and it is commonly said that in such cases relief
    is caused by an emanation from the brain through the fingers. Doubtless
    this is so; and I also choose to believe that only a powerful spirit of
    love in the heart can rightly direct this subtle energy, that where such
    a spirit is absent the desired effect cannot be produced."

    "I do not know," I replied. "Great as my love and devotion is, I cannot
    suppose it to equal, much less to surpass, that of others who yet failed
    on this occasion to give relief."

    "Yes, yes; only that is looking merely at the surface of the matter, and
    leaving out of sight the unfathomable mysteries of a being compounded of
    flesh and spirit. There are among our best instruments peculiar to this
    house, especially those used chiefly in our harvest music, some of such
    finely-tempered materials, and of so delicate a construction, that the
    person wishing to perform on them must not only be inspired with the
    melodious passion, but the entire system--body and soul--must be in the
    proper mood, the flesh itself elevated into harmony with the exalted
    spirit, else he will fail to elicit the tones or to give the expression
    desired. This is a rough and a poor simile, when we consider how
    wonderful an instrument a human being is, with the body that burns with
    thought, and the spirit that quivers and cries with pain, and when we
    think how its innumerable, complex chords may be injured and untuned by
    suffering. The will may be ours, but something, we know not what,
    interposes to defeat our best efforts. That you have succeeded in
    producing so blessed a result, after we had failed, has served to deepen
    and widen in our hearts the love we already felt for you; for how much
    more precious is this melody of repose, this sweet interval of relief
    from cruel pain the mother now experiences, than many melodies from
    clear voices and trained hands."

    In my secret heart I believed that he was taking much too lofty a view
    of the matter; but I had no desire to argue against so flattering a
    delusion, if it were one, and only wished that I could share it with

    "She is sleeping still," he said presently, "perhaps without pain, like
    Yoletta here, and her sleep will now probably last for some hours."

    "I pray Heaven that she may wake refreshed and free from pain," I

    He seemed surprised at my words, and looked searchingly into my face.
    "My son," he said, "it grieves me, at a moment like the present, to have
    to point out a great error to you; but it is an error hurtful to
    yourself and painful to those who see it, and if I were to pass it over
    in silence, or put off speaking of it to another time, I should not be
    fulfilling the part of a loving father towards you."

    Surprised at this speech, I begged him to tell me what I had said that
    was wrong.

    "Do you not then know that it is unlawful to entertain such a thought as
    you have expressed?" he said. "In moments of supreme pain or bitterness
    or peril we sometimes so far forget ourselves as to cry out to Heaven to
    save us or to give us ease; but to make any such petition when we are in
    the full possession of our faculties is unworthy of a reasonable being,
    and an offense to the Father: for we pray to each other, and are moved
    by such prayers, remembering that we are fallible, and often err through
    haste and forgetfulness and imperfect knowledge. But he who freely gave
    us life and reason and all good gifts, needs not that we should remind
    him of anything; therefore to ask him to give us the thing we desire is
    to make him like ourselves, and charge him with an oversight; or worse,
    we attribute weakness and irresolution to him, since the petitioner
    thinks my importunity to incline the balance in his favor."

    I was about to reply that I had always considered prayer to be an
    essential part of religion, and not of my form of religion only, but of
    all religions all over the world. Luckily I remembered in time that he
    probably knew more about matters "all over the world" than I did, and so
    held my tongue.

    "Have you any doubts on the subject?" he asked, after a while.

    "I must confess that I still have some doubts," I replied. "I believe
    that our Creator and Father desires the happiness of all his creatures
    and takes no pleasure in seeing us miserable; for it would be impossible
    not to believe it, seeing how greatly happiness overbalances misery in
    the world. But he does not come to us in visible form to tell us in an
    audible voice that to cry out to him in sore pain and distress is
    unlawful. How, then, do we know this thing? For a child cries to its
    mother, and a fledgling in the nest to its parent bird; and he is
    infinitely more to us than parent to child--infinitely stronger to help,
    and knows our griefs as no fellow-mortal can know them. May we not,
    then, believe, without hurt to our souls, that the cry of one of his
    children in affliction may reach him; that in his compassion, and by
    means of his sovereign power over nature, he may give ease to the racked
    body, and peace and joy to the desolate mind?"

    "You ask me, How, then, do we know this thing? and you answer the
    question yourself, yet fail to perceive that you answer it, when you say
    that although he does not come in a visible form to teach us this thing
    and that thing, yet we know that he desires our happiness; and to this
    you might have added a thousand or ten thousand other things which we
    know. If the reason he gave us to start with makes it unnecessary that
    he should come to tell us in an audible voice that he desires our
    happiness, it must also surely suffice to tell us which are lawful and
    which unlawful of all the thoughts continually rising in our hearts.
    That any one should question so evident and universally accepted a
    truth, the foundation of all religion, seems very surprising to me. If
    it had consisted with his plan to make these delicate mortal bodies
    capable of every agreeable sensation in the highest degree, yet not
    liable to accident, and not subject to misery and pain, he would surely
    have done this for all of us. But reason and nature show us that such an
    end did not consist with his plan; therefore to ask him to suspend the
    operations of nature for the benefit of any individual sufferer, however
    poignant and unmerited the sufferings may be, is to shut our eyes to the
    only light he has given us. All our highest and sweetest feelings unite
    with reason to tell us with one voice that he loves us; and our
    knowledge of nature shows us plainly enough that he also loves all the
    creatures inferior to man. To us he has given reason for a guide, and
    for the guidance and protection of the lower kinds he has given
    instinct: and though they do not know him, it would make us doubt his
    impartial love for all his creatures, if we, by making use of our
    reason, higher knowledge, and articulate speech, were able to call down
    benefits on ourselves, and avert pain and disaster, while the dumb,
    irrational brutes suffered in silence--the languishing deer that leaves
    the herd with a festering thorn in its foot; the passage bird blown from
    its course to perish miserably far out at sea."

    His conclusions were perhaps more logical than mine; nevertheless,
    although I could not argue the matter any more with him, I was not yet
    prepared to abandon this last cherished shred of old beliefs, although
    perhaps not cherished for its intrinsic worth, but rather because it had
    been given to me by a sweet woman whose memory was sacred to my
    heart--my mother before Chastel.

    Fortunately, it was not necessary to continue the discussion any longer,
    for at this juncture one of the watchers from the sick-room came to
    report that the mother was still sleeping peacefully, hearing which, the
    father rose to seek a little needful rest in an adjoining room. Before
    going, however, he proposed, with mistaken kindness, to relieve me of my
    burden, and place the girl without waking her on a couch. But I would
    not consent to have her disturbed; and finally, to my great delight,
    they left her still in my arms, the father warmly pressing my hand, and
    advising me to reflect well on his words concerning prayer.

    It was growing dark now, and how welcome that obscurity seemed, while
    with no one nigh to see or hear I kissed her soft tresses a hundred
    times, and murmured a hundred endearing words in her sleeping ears.

    Her waking, which gave me a pang at first, afforded me in the end a
    still greater bliss.

    "Oh, how dark it is--where am I?" she exclaimed, starting suddenly from

    "With me, sweetest," I said. "Do you not remember going to sleep on my

    "Yes; but oh, why did you not wake me sooner? My mother--my mother--"

    "She is still quietly sleeping, dearest. Ah, I wish you also had
    continued sleeping! It was such a delight to have you in my arms."

    "My love!" she said, laying her soft cheek against mine. "How sweet it
    was to fall asleep in your arms! When we came in here I could scarcely
    say a word, for my heart was too full for speech; and now I have a
    hundred things to say. After all, I should only finish by giving you a
    kiss, which is more eloquent than speech; so I shall kiss you at once,
    and save myself the trouble of talking so much."

    "Say one of the hundred things, Yoletta."

    "Oh, Smith, before this evening I did not think that I could love you
    more; and sometimes, when I recalled what I once said to you--on the
    hill, do you remember?--it seemed to me that I already loved you a
    little too much. But now I am convinced that I was mistaken, for a
    thousand offenses could not alienate my heart, which is all yours

    "Mine for ever, without a doubt, darling?" I murmured, holding her
    against my breast; and in my rapture almost forgetting that this angelic
    affection she lavished on me would not long satisfy my heart.

    "Yes, for ever, for you shall never, never leave the house. Your
    pilgrimage, from which you derived so little benefit, is over now. And
    if you ever attempt to go forth again to find out new wonders in the
    world, I shall clasp you round with my arms, as I do now, and keep you
    prisoner against your will; and if you say 'Farewell' a hundred times to
    me, I shall blot out that sad word every time with my lips, and put a
    better one in its place, until my word conquers yours."
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