Chapter 11

When Fan awoke, physically well and refreshed by her long slumber, it had
been light some time, with such dim light as found entrance through the
clouded panes of one small window. The day was gloomy, with a bitterly
cold blustering east wind, which made the loose window-sashes rattle in
their frames, and blew the pungent smell of city smoke in at every crack.
She sat up and looked round at the small cheerless apartment, with no
fireplace, and for only furniture the bed she was lying on, one cane-
chair over which her clothes were thrown, and a circular iron wash-stand,
with yellow stone jug and ewer, and underneath a shelf for the soap dish.

She shivered and dropped her head again on the pillow. Then, for the
first time since that terrible experience of the previous day, she began
to realise her position, and to wonder greatly why she had been subjected
to such cruel treatment. The time had already come of which Mary had once
spoken prophetically, when they would be for ever separated, and she
would have to go out into the world unaided and fight her own battle.
But, oh! why had not Mary spoken to her, and told her that she could no
longer keep her, and sent her away? For then there would still have been
affection and gratitude in her heart for the woman who had done so much
for her, and she would have looked forward with hope to a future meeting.
Love and hope would have cheered her in her loneliness, and made her
strong in her efforts to live. But now all loving ties had been violently
sundered, now the separation was eternal. Even as death had divided her
from her poor mother, this cruel deed had now put her for all time apart
from the one friend she had possessed in the world. What had she done,
what had she done to be treated so hardly? Had she not been faithful,
loving her mistress with her whole heart? It was little to give in return
for so much, but it was her all, and Mary had required nothing more from
her. It was not enough; Mary had grown tired of her at last. And not
tired only: her loving-kindness had turned to wormwood and gall; the very
sight of the girl she had rescued and cared for had become hateful to
her, and her unjust hatred and anger had resulted in that cruel outrage.
Now she understood the reason of that change in Mary, when she grew
silent and stern and repellent before that fatal morning when she went
away to carry out her heartless scheme of revenge. But revenge for what?
--and Fan could only moan again and again, "What had I done? what had I
done?" What had she ever done that she should not be loved and allowed to
live in peace and happiness--what had she done to her brutal stepfather,
or to Captain Horton and to Rosie, that they should take pleasure in
tormenting her?