Chapter 8 - Page 2

explained that business
matters compelled us to go. As a matter of fact, old Prince P--
had just died, and his heirs had dismissed my father from his
post; whereupon, since he had a little money privately invested
in St. Petersburg, he bethought him that his personal presence in
the capital was necessary for the due management of his affairs.
It was my mother who told me this. Consequently we settled here
in St. Petersburg, and did not again move until my father died.

How difficult I found it to grow accustomed to my new life! At
the time of our removal to St. Petersburg it was autumn--a season
when, in the country, the weather is clear and keen and bright,
all agricultural labour has come to an end, the great sheaves of
corn are safely garnered in the byre, and the birds are flying
hither and thither in clamorous flocks. Yes, at that season the
country is joyous and fair, but here in St. Petersburg, at the
time when we reached the city, we encountered nothing but rain,
bitter autumn frosts, dull skies, ugliness, and crowds of
strangers who looked hostile, discontented, and disposed to take
offence. However, we managed to settle down--though I remember
that in our new home there was much noise and confusion as we set
the establishment in order. After this my father was seldom at
home, and my mother had few spare moments; wherefore, I found
myself forgotten.

The first morning after our arrival, when I awoke from sleep, how
sad I felt! I could see that our windows looked out upon a drab
space of wall, and that the street below was littered with filth.
Passers-by were few, and as they walked they kept muffling
themselves up against the cold.

Then there ensued days when dullness and depression reigned
supreme. Scarcely a relative or an acquaintance did we possess in
St. Petersburg, and even Anna Thedorovna and my father had come
to loggerheads with one another, owing to the fact that he owed
her money. In fact, our only visitors were business callers, and
as a rule these came but to wrangle, to argue, and to raise a
disturbance. Such visits would make my father look very
discontented, and seem out of temper. For hours and hours he
would pace the room with a frown on his face and a brooding
silence on his lips. Even my mother did not dare address him at
these times, while, for my own part, I used to sit reading
quietly and humbly in a corner--not venturing to make a movement
of any sort.

Three months after our arrival in St. Petersburg I was sent to a
boarding-school. Here I found myself thrown among strange people;
here everything was grim and uninviting, with teachers
continually shouting at me, and my fellow-pupils for ever holding
me up to derision, and myself