Ch. 2: Reingelder and the German Flag

(1891)

Hans Breitmann paddled across the deck in his pink pyjamas, a cup of tea
in one hand and a cheroot in the other, when the steamer was sweltering
down the coast on her way to Singapur. He drank beer all day and all
night, and played a game called 'Scairt' with three compatriots.

'I haf washed,' said he in a voice of thunder, 'but dere is no use
washing on these hell-seas. Look at me--I am still all wet and
schweatin'. It is der tea dot makes me so. Boy, bring me Bilsener on
ice.'

'You will die if you drink beer before breakfast,' said one man. 'Beer
is the worst thing in the world for--'

'Ya, I know--der liver. I haf no liver, und I shall not die. At least I
will not die obon dese benny sdeamers dot haf no beer fit to trink. If I
should haf died, I will haf don so a hoondert dimes before now--in
Shermany, in New York, in Japon, in Assam, und all over der inside bans
of South Amerique. Also in Shamaica should I hat died or in Siam, but I
am here; und der are my orchits dot I have drafelled all the vorld round
to find.'

He pointed towards the wheel, where, in two rough wooden boxes, lay a
mass of shrivelled vegetation, supposed by all the ship to represent
Assam orchids of fabulous value.

Now, orchids do not grow in the main streets of towns, and Hans
Breitmann had gone far to get his. There was nothing that he had not
collected that year, from king-crabs to white kangaroos.

'Lisden now,' said he, after he had been speaking for not much more than
ten minutes without a pause; 'Lisden und I will dell you a sdory to show
how bad und worse it is to go gollectin' und belief vot anoder fool haf
said. Dis was in Uraguay which was in Amerique--North or Sout' you would
not know--und I was hoontin' orchits und aferydings else dot I could
back in my kanasters--dot is drafelling sbecimen-gaces. Dere vas den mit
me anoder man--Reingelder, dot vas his name--und he vas hoontin' also
but only coral-snakes--joost Uraguay coral-snakes--aferykind you could
imagine. I dell you a coral-snake is a peauty--all red und white like
coral dot has been gestrung in bands upon der neck of a girl. Dere is
one snake howefer dot we who gollect know ash der Sherman Flag, pecause
id is red und plack und white, joost like a sausage mit druffles.
Reingelder he was naturalist--goot man--goot trinker--better as me! "By
Gott," said Reingelder, "I will get a Sherman Flag snake or I will die."
Und we toorned all Uraguay upside-behint all pecause of dot Sherman
Flag.

'Von day when we was in none knows where--shwingin' in our hummocks
among der woods, oop comes a natif woman mit a Sherman Flag in a bickle-
bottle--my bickle-bottle--und we both fell from our hummocks flat ubon