Chapter 2

II

I confess I did not like it. Although I had made up my mind to
play, I felt averse to doing so on behalf of some one else. In
fact, it almost upset my balance, and I entered the gaming rooms
with an angry feeling at my heart. At first glance the scene
irritated me. Never at any time have I been able to bear the
flunkeyishness which one meets in the Press of the world at
large, but more especially in that of Russia, where, almost
every evening, journalists write on two subjects in particular
namely, on the splendour and luxury of the casinos to be found
in the Rhenish towns, and on the heaps of gold which are daily
to be seen lying on their tables. Those journalists are not
paid for doing so: they write thus merely out of a spirit of
disinterested complaisance. For there is nothing splendid about
the establishments in question; and, not only are there no heaps
of gold to be seen lying on their tables, but also there is very
little money to be seen at all. Of course, during the season,
some madman or another may make his appearance--generally an
Englishman, or an Asiatic, or a Turk--and (as had happened during
the summer of which I write) win or lose a great deal; but, as
regards the rest of the crowd, it plays only for petty gulden,
and seldom does much wealth figure on the board.

When, on the present occasion, I entered the gaming-rooms
(for the first time in my life), it was several moments
before I could even make up my mind to play. For one thing, the
crowd oppressed me. Had I been playing for myself, I think I
should have left at once, and never have embarked upon gambling at
all, for I could feel my heart beginning to beat, and my heart was
anything but cold-blooded. Also, I knew, I had long ago made up my
mind, that never should I depart from Roulettenberg until some radical,
some final, change had taken place in my fortunes. Thus, it must
and would be. However ridiculous it may seem to you that I was
expecting to win at roulette, I look upon the generally accepted
opinion concerning the folly and the grossness of hoping to win
at gambling as a thing even more absurd. For why is gambling a
whit worse than any other method of acquiring money? How, for
instance, is it worse than trade? True, out of a hundred
persons, only one can win; yet what business is that of yours or
of mine?

At all events, I confined myself at first simply to looking on,
and decided to attempt nothing serious. Indeed, I felt that, if
I began to do anything at all, I should do it in an
absent-minded, haphazard sort of way--of that I felt certain.
Also. it behoved me to learn the game itself; since, despite a
thousand descriptions of roulette which I had read with
ceaseless avidity, I