Chapter 17 - Page 2

secretary--only an unpaid servant. I had nothing else to
turn to, so I remained with him, and allowed myself to become
his flunkey. But by stinting myself in meat and drink I saved,
during my five months of service, some seventy gulden; and one
evening, when we were at Baden, I told him that I wished to
resign my post, and then hastened to betake myself to roulette.

Oh, how my heart beat as I did so! No, it was not the money that
I valued-- what I wanted was to make all this mob of Heintzes,
hotel proprietors, and fine ladies of Baden talk about me,
recount my story, wonder at me, extol my doings, and worship my
winnings. True, these were childish fancies and aspirations, but
who knows but that I might meet Polina, and be able to tell her
everything, and see her look of surprise at the fact that I had
overcome so many adverse strokes of fortune. No, I had no desire
for money for its own sake, for I was perfectly well aware that
I should only squander it upon some new Blanche, and spend
another three weeks in Paris after buying a pair of horses which
had cost sixteen thousand francs. No, I never believed myself to
be a hoarder; in fact, I knew only too well that I was a
spendthrift. And already, with a sort of fear, a sort of
sinking in my heart, I could hear the cries of the croupiers--
"Trente et un, rouge, impair et passe," "Quarte, noir, pair et
manque. " How greedily I gazed upon the gaming-table, with its
scattered louis d'or, ten-gulden pieces, and thalers; upon the
streams of gold as they issued from the croupier's hands, and
piled themselves up into heaps of gold scintillating as fire;
upon the ell--long rolls of silver lying around the croupier.
Even at a distance of two rooms I could hear the chink of that
money--so much so that I nearly fell into convulsions.

Ah, the evening when I took those seventy gulden to the gaming
table was a memorable one for me. I began by staking ten gulden
upon passe. For passe I had always had a sort of predilection,
yet I lost my stake upon it. This left me with sixty gulden in
silver. After a moment's thought I selected zero--beginning by
staking five gulden at a time. Twice I lost, but the third round
suddenly brought up the desired coup. I could almost have died
with joy as I received my one hundred and seventy-five gulden.
Indeed, I have been less pleased when, in former times, I have
won a hundred thousand gulden. Losing no time, I staked another
hundred gulden upon the red, and won; two hundred upon the red,
and won; four hundred upon the black, and won; eight hundred
upon manque, and won. Thus, with the addition of the remainder
of my original capital, I found myself possessed, within five
minutes, of seventeen hundred gulden. Ah, at