Chapter 12

_Religious Nature Awakened_

ABOLITIONISTS SPOKEN OF--MY EAGERNESS TO KNOW WHAT THIS WORD
MEANT--MY CONSULTATION OF THE DICTIONARY--INCENDIARY
INFORMATION--HOW AND WHERE DERIVED--THE ENIGMA SOLVED--NATHANIEL
TURNER'S INSURRECTION--THE CHOLERA--RELIGION--FIRST AWAKENED BY A
METHODIST MINISTER NAMED HANSON--MY DEAR AND GOOD OLD COLORED
FRIEND, LAWSON--HIS CHARACTER AND OCCUPATION--HIS INFLUENCE OVER
ME--OUR MUTUAL ATTACHMENT--THE COMFORT I DERIVED FROM HIS
TEACHING--NEW HOPES AND ASPIRATIONS--HEAVENLY LIGHT AMIDST
EARTHLY DARKNESS--THE TWO IRISHMEN ON THE WHARF--THEIR
CONVERSATION--HOW I LEARNED TO WRITE--WHAT WERE MY AIMS.

Whilst in the painful state of mind described in the foregoing
chapter, almost regretting my very existence, because doomed to a
life of bondage, so goaded and so wretched, at times, that I was
even tempted to destroy my own life, I was keenly sensitive and
eager to know any, and every thing that transpired, having any
relation to the subject of slavery. I was all ears, all eyes,
whenever the words _slave, slavery_, dropped from the lips of any
white person, and the occasions were not unfrequent when these
words became leading ones, in high, social debate, at our house.
Every little while, I could hear Master Hugh, or some of his
company, speaking with much warmth and excitement about
_"abolitionists."_ Of _who_ or _what_ these were, I was totally
ignorant. I found, however, that whatever they might be, they
were most cordially hated and soundly abused by slaveholders, of
every grade. I very soon discovered, too, that slavery was, in
some sort, under consideration, whenever the abolitionists
were alluded to. This made the term a very interesting one to
me. If a slave, for instance, had made good his escape from
slavery, it was generally alleged, that he had been persuaded and
assisted by the abolitionists. If, also, a slave killed his
master--as was sometimes the case--or struck down his overseer,
or set fire to his master's dwelling, or committed any violence
or crime, out of the common way, it was certain to be said, that
such a crime was the legitimate fruits of the abolition movement.
Hearing such charges often repeated, I, naturally enough,
received the impression that abolition--whatever else it might
be--could not be unfriendly to the slave, nor very friendly to
the slaveholder. I therefore set about finding out, if possible,
_who_ and _what_ the abolitionists were, and _why_ they were so
obnoxious to the slaveholders. The dictionary afforded me very
little help. It taught me that abolition was the "act of
abolishing;" but it left me in ignorance at the very point where
I most wanted information--and that was, as to the _thing_ to be
abolished. A city