Chapter 39 - Page 2

Babbalanja; but to myself, I seem not
myself. All I am sure of, is a sort of prickly sensation all over me,
which they call life; and, occasionally, a headache or a queer conceit
admonishes me, that there is something astir in my attic. But how know
I, that these sensations are identical with myself? For aught I know,
I may be somebody else. At any rate, I keep an eye on myself, as I
would on a stranger. There is something going on in me, that is
independent of me. Many a time, have I willed to do one thing, and
another has been done. I will not say by myself, for I was not
consulted about it; it was done instinctively. My most virtuous
thoughts are not born of my musings, but spring up in me, like bright
fancies to the poet; unsought, spontaneous. Whence they come I know
not. I am a blind man pushed from behind; in vain, I turn about to see
what propels me. As vanity, I regard the praises of my friends; for
what they commend pertains not to me, Babbalanja; but to this unknown
something that forces me to it. But why am I, a middle aged Mardian,
less prone to excesses than when a youth? The same inducements and
allurements are around me. But no; my more ardent passions are burned
out; those which are strongest when we are least able to resist them.
Thus, then, my lord, it is not so much outer temptations that prevail
over us mortals; but inward instincts."

"A very curious speculation," said Media. But Babbalanja, have you
mortals no moral sense, as they call it?"

"We have. But the thing you speak of is but an after-birth; we eat and
drink many months before we are conscious of thoughts. And though some
adults would seem to refer all their actions to this moral sense, yet,
in reality, it is not so; for, dominant in them, their moral sense
bridles their instinctive passions; wherefore, they do not govern
themselves, but are governed by their very natures. Thus, some men in
youth are constitutionally as staid as I am now. But shall we
pronounce them pious and worthy youths for this? Does he abstain, who
is not incited? And on the other hand, if the instinctive passions
through life naturally have the supremacy over the moral sense, as in
extreme cases we see it developed in irreclaimable malefactors,--shall
we pronounce such, criminal and detestable wretches? My lord, it is
easier for some men to be saints, than for others not to be sinners."

"That will do, Babbalanja; you are on the verge, take not the leap! Go
back whence you set out, and tell us of that other, and still more
mysterious Azzageddi; him whom you hinted to have palmed himself off
on you for you yourself."

"Well, then, my lord,--Azzageddi still set aside,--upon that self-same