Act III

Again in the Gilbeys' dining-room. Afternoon. The table is not
laid: it is draped in its ordinary cloth, with pen and ink, an
exercise-book, and school-books on it. Bobby Gilbey is in the
arm-chair, crouching over the fire, reading an illustrated paper. He
is a pretty youth, of very suburban gentility, strong and manly enough
by nature, but untrained and unsatisfactory, his parents having
imagined that domestic restriction is what they call "bringing up."
He has learnt nothing from it except a habit of evading it by deceit.

He gets up to ring the bell; then resumes his crouch. Juggins
answers the bell.

BOBBY. Juggins.

JUGGINS. Sir?

BOBBY. [morosely sarcastic] Sir be blowed!

JUGGINS. [cheerfully] Not at all, sir.

BOBBY. I'm a gaol-bird: youre a respectable man.

JUGGINS. That doesnt matter, sir. Your father pays me to call you
sir; and as I take the money, I keep my part of the bargain.

BOBBY. Would you call me sir if you wernt paid to do it?

JUGGINS. No, sir.

BOBBY. Ive been talking to Dora about you.

JUGGINS. Indeed, sir?

BOBBY. Yes. Dora says your name cant be Juggins, and that you have
the manners of a gentleman. I always thought you hadnt any manners.
Anyhow, your manners are different from the manners of a gentleman in
my set.

JUGGINS. They would be, sir.

BOBBY. You dont feel disposed to be communicative on the subject of
Dora's notion, I suppose.

JUGGINS. No, sir.

BOBBY. [throwing his paper on the floor and lifting his knees over
the arm of the chair so as to turn towards the footman] It was part
of your bargain that you were to valet me a bit, wasnt it?

JUGGINS. Yes, sir.

BOBBY. Well, can you tell me the proper way to get out of an
engagement to a girl without getting into a row for breach of promise
or behaving like a regular cad?

JUGGINS. No, sir. You cant get out of an engagement without behaving
like a cad if the lady wishes to hold you to it.

BOBBY. But it wouldnt be for her happiness to marry me when I dont
really care for her.

JUGGINS. Women dont always marry for happiness, sir. They often
marry because they wish to be married women and not old maids.

BOBBY. Then what am I to do?

JUGGINS. Marry her, sir, or behave like a cad.

BOBBY. [Jumping up] Well, I wont marry her: thats flat. What
would you do if you were in my place?

JUGGINS. I should tell the young lady that I found I couldnt fulfil
my engagement.

BOBBY. But youd have to make some excuse, you know. I want to give
it a gentlemanly turn: to say I'm not worthy of her, or something
like that.

JUGGINS. That is not a gentlemanly turn, sir.