Act III - Page 2

Quite the contrary.

BOBBY. I dont see that at all. Do you mean that it's not exactly
true?

JUGGINS. Not at all, sir.

BOBBY. I can say that no other girl can ever be to me what shes been.
That would be quite true, because our circumstances have been rather
exceptional; and she'll imagine I mean I'm fonder of her than I can
ever be of anyone else. You see, Juggins, a gentleman has to think of
a girl's feelings.

JUGGINS. If you wish to spare her feelings, sir, you can marry her.
If you hurt her feelings by refusing, you had better not try to get
credit for considerateness at the same time by pretending to spare
them. She wont like it. And it will start an argument, of which you
will get the worse.

BOBBY. But, you know, I'm not really worthy of her.

JUGGINS. Probably she never supposed you were, sir.

BOBBY. Oh, I say, Juggins, you are a pessimist.

JUGGINS. [preparing to go] Anything else, sir?

BOBBY. [querulously] You havnt been much use. [He wanders
disconsolately across the room]. You generally put me up to the
correct way of doing things.

JUGGINS. I assure you, sir, theres no correct way of jilting. It's
not correct in itself.

BOBBY. [hopefully] I'll tell you what. I'll say I cant hold her
to an engagement with a man whos been in quod. Thatll do it. [He
seats himself on the table, relieved and confident].

JUGGINS. Very dangerous, sir. No woman will deny herself the
romantic luxury of self-sacrifice and forgiveness when they take the
form of doing something agreeable. Shes almost sure to say that your
misfortune will draw her closer to you.

BOBBY. What a nuisance! I dont know what to do. You know, Juggins,
your cool simple-minded way of doing it wouldnt go down in Denmark
Hill.

JUGGINS. I daresay not, sir. No doubt youd prefer to make it look
like an act of self-sacrifice for her sake on your part, or provoke
her to break the engagement herself. Both plans have been tried
repeatedly, but never with success, as far as my knowledge goes.

BOBBY. You have a devilish cool way of laying down the law. You
know, in my class you have to wrap up things a bit. Denmark Hill
isn't Camberwell, you know.

JUGGINS. I have noticed, sir, that Denmark Hill thinks that the
higher you go in the social scale, the less sincerity is allowed; and
that only tramps and riff-raff are quite sincere. Thats a mistake.
Tramps are often shameless; but theyre never sincere. Swells--if I
may use that convenient name for the upper classes--play much more
with their cards on the table. If you tell the young lady that you
want to jilt her, and she calls you a pig, the tone of the transaction
may leave much to be desired; but itll