Epilogue - Page 2

people spoke to me like that, I
should die of shame: I could not face it. I must go back. The world
has passed me by and left me. Accept the apologies of an elderly and
no doubt ridiculous admirer of the art of a bygone day, when there was
still some beauty in the world and some delicate grace in family life.
But I promised my daughter your opinion; and I must keep my word.
Gentlemen: you are the choice and master spirits of this age: you
walk through it without bewilderment and face its strange products
without dismay. Pray deliver your verdict. Mr Bannal: you know that
it is the custom at a Court Martial for the youngest officer present
to deliver his judgment first; so that he may not be influenced by the
authority of his elders. You are the youngest. What is your opinion
of the play?

BANNAL. Well, whos it by?

THE COUNT. That is a secret for the present.

BANNAL. You dont expect me to know what to say about a play when I
dont know who the author is, do you?

THE COUNT. Why not?

BANNAL. Why not! Why not!! Suppose you had to write about a play by
Pinero and one by Jones! Would you say exactly the same thing about
them?

THE COUNT. I presume not.

BANNAL. Then how could you write about them until you knew which was
Pinero and which was Jones? Besides, what sort of play is this? thats
what I want to know. Is it a comedy or a tragedy? Is it a farce or a
melodrama? Is it repertory theatre tosh, or really straight paying
stuff?

GUNN. Cant you tell from seeing it?

BANNAL. I can see it all right enough; but how am I to know how to
take it? Is it serious, or is it spoof? If the author knows what his
play is, let him tell us what it is. If he doesnt, he cant complain
if I dont know either. _I_'m not the author.

THE COUNT. But is it a good play, Mr Bannal? Thats a simple
question.

BANNAL. Simple enough when you know. If it's by a good author, it's
a good play, naturally. That stands to reason. Who is the author?
Tell me that; and I'll place the play for you to a hair's breadth.

THE COUNT. I'm sorry I'm not at liberty to divulge the author's name.
The author desires that the play should be judged on its merits.

BANNAL. But what merits can it have except the author's merits? Who
would you say it's by, Gunn?

GUNN. Well, who do you think? Here you have a rotten old-fashioned
domestic melodrama acted by the usual stage puppets. The hero's a
naval lieutenant. All melodramatic heroes are naval lieutenants. The
heroine gets into trouble by defying the law (if she didnt get into
trouble, thered be no drama) and plays for sympathy all the time as
hard as she can. Her good old pious mother turns on her cruel father
when hes