The Fourth Scene - Page 2

Englishman; and you can kidnap me; but you can't bully me.

NARYSHKIN. Remember to whom you are speaking.

CATHERINE [violently, furious at his intrusion]. Remember that
dogs should be dumb. [He shrivels.] And do you, Captain, remember
that famous as I am for my clemency, there are limits to the
patience even of an Empress.

EDSTASTON. How is a man to remember anything when he is trussed
up in this ridiculous fashion? I can hardly breathe. [He makes a
futile struggle to free himself.] Here: don't be unkind, your
Majesty: tell these fellows to unstrap me. You know you really
owe me an apology.

CATHERINE. You think you can escape by appealing, like Prince
Patiomkin, to my sense of humor?

EDSTASTON. Sense of humor! Ho! Ha, ha! I like that. Would anybody
with a sense of humor make a guy of a man like this, and then
expect him to take it seriously? I say: do tell them to loosen
these straps.

CATHERINE [seating herself]. Why should I, pray?

EDSTASTON. Why! Why! Why, because they're hurting me.

CATHERINE. People sometimes learn through suffering. Manners, for
instance.

EDSTASTON. Oh, well, of course, if you're an ill-natured woman,
hurting me on purpose, I have nothing more to say.

CATHERINE. A monarch, sir, has sometimes to employ a necessary,
and salutary severity--

EDSTASTON [Interrupting her petulantly]. Quack! quack! quack!

CATHERINE. Donnerwetter!

EDSTASTON [continuing recklessly]. This isn't severity: it's
tomfoolery. And if you think it's reforming my character or
teaching me anything, you're mistaken. It may be a satisfaction
to you; but if it is, all I can say is that it's not an amiable
satisfaction.

CATHERINE [turning suddenly and balefully on Naryshkin]. What are
you grinning at?

NARYSHKIN [falling on his knees in terror]. Be merciful, Little
Mother. My heart is in my mouth.

CATHERINE. Your heart and your mouth will be in two separate
parts of your body if you again forget in whose presence you
stand. Go. And take your men with you. [Naryshkin crawls to the
door. The soldiers rise.] Stop. Roll that [indicating Edstaston]
nearer. [The soldiers obey.] Not so close. Did I ask you for a
footstool? [She pushes Edstaston away with her foot.]

EDSTASTON [with a sudden squeal]. Agh!!! I must really ask your
Majesty not to put the point of your Imperial toe between my
ribs. I am ticklesome.

CATHERINE. Indeed? All the more reason for you to treat me with
respect, Captain. [To the others.] Begone. How many times must I
give an order before it is obeyed?

NARYSHKIN. Little Mother: they have brought some instruments of
torture. Will they be needed?

CATHERINE