Act I

THE PLAY

A hotel sitting room. A table in the centre. On it a telephone.
Two chairs at it, opposite one another. Behind it, the door. The
fireplace has a mirror in the mantelpiece.

A spinster Princess, hatted and gloved, is ushered in by the
hotel manager, spruce and artificially bland by professional
habit, but treating his customer with a condescending affability
which sails very close to the east wind of insolence.

THE MANAGER. I am sorry I am unable to accommodate Your Highness
on the first floor.

THE PRINCESS [very shy and nervous.] Oh, please don't mention it.
This is quite nice. Very nice. Thank you very much.

THE MANAGER. We could prepare a room in the annexe--

THE PRINCESS. Oh no. This will do very well.

She takes of her gloves and hat: puts them on the table; and sits
down.

THE MANAGER. The rooms are quite as good up here. There is less
noise; and there is the lift. If Your Highness desires anything,
there is the telephone--

THE PRINCESS. Oh, thank you, I don't want anything. The telephone
is so difficult: I am not accustomed to it.

THE MANAGER. Can I take any order? Some tea?

THE PRINCESS. Oh, thank you. Yes: I should like some tea, if I
might--if it would not be too much trouble.

He goes out. The telephone rings. The Princess starts out of her
chair, terrified, and recoils as far as possible from the
instrument.

THE PRINCESS. Oh dear! [It rings again. She looks scared. It
rings again. She approaches it timidly. It rings again. She
retreats hastily. It rings repeatedly. She runs to it in
desperation and puts the receiver to her ear.] Who is there? What
do I do? I am not used to the telephone: I don't know how-- What!
Oh, I can hear you speaking quite distinctly. [She sits down,
delighted, and settles herself for a conversation.] How
wonderful! What! A lady? Oh! a person. Oh, yes: I know. Yes,
please, send her up. Have my servants finished their lunch yet?
Oh no: please don't disturb them: I'd rather not. It doesn't
matter. Thank you. What? Oh yes, it's quite easy. I had no idea--
am I to hang it up just as it was? Thank you. [She hangs it up.]

Ermyntrude enters, presenting a plain and staid appearance in a
long straight waterproof with a hood over her head gear. She
comes to the end of the table opposite to that at which the
Princess is seated.

THE PRINCESS. Excuse me. I have been talking through the
telephone: and I heard quite well, though I have never ventured
before. Won't you sit down?

ERMYNTRUDE. No, thank you, Your Highness. I am only a lady's
maid. I understood you wanted one.

THE PRINCESS. Oh no: you mustn't think I want one. It's so
unpatriotic to want