Act I

GIUSEPPE. Will your excellency--

NAPOLEON (intent on his map, but cramming himself mechanically
with his left hand). Don't talk. I'm busy.

GIUSEPPE (with perfect goodhumor). Excellency: I obey.

NAPOLEON. Some red ink.

GIUSEPPE. Alas! excellency, there is none.

NAPOLEON (with Corsican facetiousness). Kill something and bring
me its blood.

GIUSEPPE (grinning). There is nothing but your excellency's
horse, the sentinel, the lady upstairs, and my wife.

NAPOLEON. Kill your wife.

GIUSEPPE. Willingly, your excellency; but unhappily I am not
strong enough. She would kill me.

NAPOLEON. That will do equally well.

GIUSEPPE. Your excellency does me too much honor. (Stretching his
hand toward the flask.) Perhaps some wine will answer your
excellency's purpose.

NAPOLEON (hastily protecting the flask, and becoming quite
serious). Wine! No: that would be waste. You are all the same:
waste! waste! waste! (He marks the map with gravy, using his fork
as a pen.) Clear away. (He finishes his wine; pushes back his
chair; and uses his napkin, stretching his legs and leaning back,
but still frowning and thinking.)

GIUSEPPE (clearing the table and removing the things to a tray on
the sideboard). Every man to his trade, excellency. We innkeepers
have plenty of cheap wine: we think nothing of spilling it. You
great generals have plenty of cheap blood: you think nothing of
spilling it. Is it not so, excellency?

NAPOLEON. Blood costs nothing: wine costs money. (He rises and
goes to the fireplace. )

GIUSEPPE. They say you are careful of everything except human
life, excellency.

NAPOLEON. Human life, my friend, is the only thing that takes
care of itself. (He throws himself at his ease on the couch.)

GIUSEPPE (admiring him). Ah, excellency, what fools we all are
beside you! If I could only find out the secret of your success!

NAPOLEON. You would make yourself Emperor of Italy, eh?

GIUSEPPE. Too troublesome, excellency: I leave all that to you.
Besides, what would become of my inn if I were Emperor? See how
you enjoy looking on at me whilst I keep the inn for you and wait
on you! Well, I shall enjoy looking on at you whilst you become
Emperor of Europe, and govern the country for me. (Whilst he
chatters, he takes the cloth off without removing the map and
inkstand, and takes the corners in his hands and the middle of
the edge in his mouth, to fold it up.)

NAPOLEON. Emperor of Europe, eh? Why only Europe?

GIUSEPPE. Why, indeed? Emperor of the world, excellency! Why not?
(He folds and rolls up the cloth, emphasizing his phrases by the
steps of the process.) One man is like another (fold): one