Chapter 13 - Page 2

spite of myself, a
pleased, agreeable, faintly self-sufficient smile playing over my
countenance, as well as could remark that that smile,
communicated itself to those to whom I was speaking.

So here was I without a tutor, yet with my own private drozhki,
my name printed on the list of students, a sword and belt of my
own, and a chance of an occasional salute from officials! In
short, I was grownup and, I suppose, happy.

Finally, we arranged to go out and dine at five o'clock, but since
Woloda presently went off to Dubkoff's, and Dimitri disappeared
in his usual fashion (saying that there was something he MUST do
before dinner), I was left with two whole hours still at my
disposal. For a time I walked through the rooms of the house, and
looked at myself in all the mirrors--firstly with the tunic
buttoned, then with it unbuttoned, and lastly with only the top
button fastened. Each time it looked splendid. Eventually, though
anxious not to show any excess of delight, I found myself unable
to refrain from crossing over to the coach-house and stables to
gaze at Krassovchik, Kuzma, and the drozhki. Then I returned and
once more began my tour of the rooms, where I looked at myself in
all the mirrors as before, and counted my money over in my
pocket--my face smiling happily the while. Yet not an hour had
elapsed before I began to feel slightly ennuye--to feel a shade
of regret that no one was present to see me in my splendid
position. I began to long for life and movement, and so sent out
orders for the drozhki to be got ready, since I had made up my
mind to drive to the Kuznetski Bridge and make some purchases.

In this connection I recalled how, after matriculating, Woloda
had gone and bought himself a lithograph of horses by Victor Adam
and some pipes and tobacco: wherefore I felt that I too must do
the same. Amid glances showered upon me from every side, and with
the sunlight reflected from my buttons, cap-badge, and sword, I
drove to the Kuznetski Bridge, where, halting at a Picture shop,
I entered it with my eyes looking to every side. It was not
precisely horses by Adam which I meant to buy, since I did not
wish to be accused of too closely imitating Woloda; wherefore,
out of shame for causing the obsequious shopmen such agitation as
I appeared to do, I made a hasty selection, and pitched upon a
water-colour of a woman's head which I saw displayed in the
window--price twenty roubles. Yet no sooner had I paid the twenty
roubles over the counter than my heart smote me for having put
two such beautifully dressed shop-assistants to so much trouble
for such a trifle. Moreover, I fancied that they were regarding
me with some disdain. Accordingly, in my desire to show them what