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    Chapter 36

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    Chapter 37
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    There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is
    cowardice.
    --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar.

    Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name Bzjxxllwep is
    pronounced Jackson.
    --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar.

    Friday, December 13. Sailed, at 3 p.m., in the 'Mararoa'. Summer seas
    and a good ship-life has nothing better.

    Monday. Three days of paradise. Warm and sunny and smooth; the sea a
    luminous Mediterranean blue . . . . One lolls in a long chair all day
    under deck-awnings, and reads and smokes, in measureless content. One
    does not read prose at such a time, but poetry. I have been reading the
    poems of Mrs. Julia A. Moore, again, and I find in them the same grace
    and melody that attracted me when they were first published, twenty years
    ago, and have held me in happy bonds ever since.

    "The Sentimental Song Book" has long been out of print, and has been
    forgotten by the world in general, but not by me. I carry it with me
    always--it and Goldsmith's deathless story.

    Indeed, it has the same deep charm for me that the Vicar of Wakefield
    has, and I find in it the same subtle touch--the touch that makes an
    intentionally humorous episode pathetic and an intentionally pathetic one
    funny. In her time Mrs. Moore was called "the Sweet Singer of Michigan,"
    and was best known by that name. I have read her book through twice
    today, with the purpose of determining which of her pieces has most
    merit, and I am persuaded that for wide grasp and sustained power,
    "William Upson" may claim first place:

    WILLIAM UPSON.

    Air--"The Major's Only Son."
    Come all good people far and near,
    Oh, come and see what you can hear,
    It's of a young man true and brave,
    That is now sleeping in his grave.

    Now, William Upson was his name
    If it's not that, it's all the same
    He did enlist in a cruel strife,
    And it caused him to lose his life.

    He was Perry Upson's eldest son,
    His father loved his noble son,
    This son was nineteen years of age
    When first in the rebellion he engaged.

    His father said that he might go,
    But his dear mother she said no,
    "Oh! stay at home, dear Billy," she said,
    But she could not turn his head.

    He went to Nashville, in Tennessee,
    There his kind friends he could not see;
    He died among strangers, so far away,
    They did not know where his body lay.

    He was taken sick and lived four weeks,
    And Oh! how his parents weep,
    But now they must in sorrow mourn,
    For Billy has gone to his heavenly home.

    Oh! if his mother could have seen her son,
    For she loved him, her darling son;
    If she could heard his dying prayer,
    It would ease her heart till she met him there.

    How it would relieve his mother's heart
    To see her son from this world depart,
    And hear his noble words of love,
    As he left this world for that above.

    Now it will relieve his mother's heart,
    For her son is laid in our graveyard;
    For now she knows that his grave is near,
    She will not shed so many tears.

    Although she knows not that it was her son,
    For his coffin could not be opened
    It might be someone in his place,
    For she could not see his noble face.

    December, 17. Reached Sydney.

    December, 19. In the train. Fellow of 30 with four valises; a slim
    creature, with teeth which made his mouth look like a neglected
    churchyard. He had solidified hair--solidified with pomatum; it was all
    one shell. He smoked the most extraordinary cigarettes--made of some
    kind of manure, apparently. These and his hair made him smell like the
    very nation. He had a low-cut vest on, which exposed a deal of frayed
    and broken and unclean shirtfront. Showy studs, of imitation gold--they
    had made black disks on the linen. Oversized sleeve buttons of imitation
    gold, the copper base showing through. Ponderous watch-chain of
    imitation gold. I judge that he couldn't tell the time by it, for he
    asked Smythe what time it was, once. He wore a coat which had been gay
    when it was young; 5-o'clock-tea-trousers of a light tint, and
    marvelously soiled; yellow mustache with a dashing upward whirl at the
    ends; foxy shoes, imitation patent leather. He was a novelty--an
    imitation dude. He would have been a real one if he could have afforded
    it. But he was satisfied with himself. You could see it in his
    expression, and in all his attitudes and movements. He was living in a
    dude dreamland where all his squalid shams were genuine, and himself a
    sincerity. It disarmed criticism, it mollified spite, to see him so
    enjoy his imitation languors, and arts, and airs, and his studied
    daintinesses of gesture and misbegotten refinements. It was plain to me
    that he was imagining himself the Prince of Wales, and was doing
    everything the way he thought the Prince would do it. For bringing his
    four valises aboard and stowing them in the nettings, he gave his porter
    four cents, and lightly apologized for the smallness of the gratuity
    --just with the condescendingest little royal air in the world. He
    stretched himself out on the front seat and rested his pomatum-cake on
    the middle arm, and stuck his feet out of the window, and began to pose
    as the Prince and work his dreams and languors for exhibition; and he
    would indolently watch the blue films curling up from his cigarette, and
    inhale the stench, and look so grateful; and would flip the ash away with
    the daintiest gesture, unintentionally displaying his brass ring in the
    most intentional way; why, it was as good as being in Marlborough House
    itself to see him do it so like.

    There was other scenery in the trip. That of the Hawksbury river, in the
    National Park region, fine--extraordinarily fine, with spacious views of
    stream and lake imposingly framed in woody hills; and every now and then
    the noblest groupings of mountains, and the most enchanting
    rearrangements of the water effects. Further along, green flats, thinly
    covered with gum forests, with here and there the huts and cabins of
    small farmers engaged in raising children. Still further along, arid
    stretches, lifeless and melancholy. Then Newcastle, a rushing town,
    capital of the rich coal regions. Approaching Scone, wide farming and
    grazing levels, with pretty frequent glimpses of a troublesome plant--a
    particularly devilish little prickly pear, daily damned in the orisons of
    the agriculturist; imported by a lady of sentiment, and contributed
    gratis to the colony. Blazing hot, all day.

    December 20. Back to Sydney. Blazing hot again. From the newspaper,
    and from the map, I have made a collection of curious names of
    Australasian towns, with the idea of making a poem out of them:

    Tumut
    Takee
    Murriwillumba
    Bowral
    Ballarat
    Mullengudgery
    Murrurundi
    Wagga-Wagga
    Wyalong
    Murrumbidgee
    Goomeroo
    Wolloway
    Wangary
    Wanilla
    Worrow
    Koppio
    Yankalilla
    Yaranyacka
    Yackamoorundie
    Kaiwaka
    Coomooroo
    Tauranga
    Geelong
    Tongariro
    Kaikoura
    Wakatipu
    Oohipara
    Waitpinga
    Goelwa
    Munno Para
    Nangkita
    Myponga
    Kapunda
    Kooringa
    Penola
    Nangwarry
    Kongorong
    Comaum
    Koolywurtie
    Killanoola
    Naracoorte
    Muloowurtie
    Binnum
    Wallaroo
    Wirrega
    Mundoora
    Hauraki
    Rangiriri
    Teawamute
    Taranaki
    Toowoomba
    Goondiwindi
    Jerrilderie
    Whangaroa
    Wollongong
    Woolloomooloo
    Bombola
    Coolgardie
    Bendigo
    Coonamble
    Cootamundra
    Woolgoolga

    Mittagong
    Jamberoo
    Kondoparinga
    Kuitpo
    Tungkillo
    Oukaparinga
    Talunga
    Yatala
    Parawirra
    Moorooroo
    Whangarei
    Woolundunga
    Booleroo
    Pernatty
    Parramatta
    Taroom
    Narrandera
    Deniliquin
    Kawakawa.

    It may be best to build the poem now, and make the weather help

    A SWELTERING DAY IN AUSTRALIA.

    (To be read soft and low, with the lights turned down.)

    The Bombola faints in the hot Bowral tree,
    Where fierce Mullengudgery's smothering fires
    Far from the breezes of Coolgardie
    Burn ghastly and blue as the day expires;

    And Murriwillumba complaineth in song
    For the garlanded bowers of Woolloomooloo,
    And the Ballarat Fly and the lone Wollongong
    They dream of the gardens of Jamberoo;

    The wallabi sighs for the Murrubidgee,
    For the velvety sod of the Munno Parah,
    Where the waters of healing from Muloowurtie
    Flow dim in the gloaming by Yaranyackah;

    The Koppio sorrows for lost Wolloway,
    And sigheth in secret for Murrurundi,
    The Whangeroo wombat lamenteth the day
    That made him an exile from Jerrilderie;

    The Teawamute Tumut from Wirrega's glade,
    The Nangkita swallow, the Wallaroo swan,
    They long for the peace of the Timaru shade
    And thy balmy soft airs, O sweet Mittagong!

    The Kooringa buffalo pants in the sun,
    The Kondoparinga lies gaping for breath,
    The Kongorong Camaum to the shadow has won,
    But the Goomeroo sinks in the slumber of death;

    In the weltering hell of the Moorooroo plain
    The Yatala Wangary withers and dies,
    And the Worrow Wanilla, demented with pain,
    To the Woolgoolga woodlands despairingly flies;

    Sweet Nangwarry's desolate, Coonamble wails,
    And Tungkillo Kuito in sables is drest,
    For the Whangerei winds fall asleep in the sails
    And the Booleroo life-breeze is dead in the west.

    Mypongo, Kapunda, O slumber no more
    Yankalilla, Parawirra, be warned
    There's death in the air!
    Killanoola, wherefore
    Shall the prayer of Penola be scorned?

    Cootamundra, and Takee, and Wakatipu,
    Toowoomba, Kaikoura are lost
    From Onkaparinga to far Oamaru
    All burn in this hell's holocaust!

    Paramatta and Binnum are gone to their rest
    In the vale of Tapanni Taroom,
    Kawakawa, Deniliquin--all that was best
    In the earth are but graves and a tomb!

    Narrandera mourns, Cameron answers not
    When the roll of the scathless we cry
    Tongariro, Goondiwindi, Woolundunga, the spot
    Is mute and forlorn where ye lie.

    Those are good words for poetry. Among the best I have ever seen.
    There are 81 in the list. I did not need them all, but I have knocked
    down 66 of them; which is a good bag, it seems to me, for a person not in
    the business. Perhaps a poet laureate could do better, but a poet
    laureate gets wages, and that is different. When I write poetry I do not
    get any wages; often I lose money by it. The best word in that list, and
    the most musical and gurgly, is Woolloomoolloo. It is a place near
    Sydney, and is a favorite pleasure-resort. It has eight O's in it.
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