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    Contents and Preface

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    Chapter 1
    CONTENTS

    CHAPTER I.
    Popular Talk of the Excursion--Programme of the Trip--Duly Ticketed for
    the Excursion--Defection of the Celebrities

    CHAPTER II.
    Grand Preparations--An Imposing Dignitary--The European Exodus
    --Mr. Blucher's Opinion--Stateroom No. 10--The Assembling of the Clans
    --At Sea at Last

    CHAPTER III.
    "Averaging" the Passengers--Far, far at Sea.--Tribulation among the
    Patriarchs--Seeking Amusement under Difficulties--Five Captains in the
    Ship

    CHAPTER IV.
    The Pilgrims Becoming Domesticated--Pilgrim Life at Sea
    --"Horse-Billiards"--The "Synagogue"--The Writing School--Jack's "Journal"
    --The "Q. C. Club"--The Magic Lantern--State Ball on Deck--Mock Trials
    --Charades--Pilgrim Solemnity--Slow Music--The Executive Officer Delivers
    an Opinion

    CHAPTER V.
    Summer in Mid-Atlantic--An Eccentric Moon--Mr. Blucher Loses Confidence
    --The Mystery of "Ship Time"--The Denizens of the Deep--"Land Hoh"
    --The First Landing on a Foreign Shore--Sensation among the Natives
    --Something about the Azores Islands--Blucher's Disastrous Dinner
    --The Happy Result

    CHAPTER VI.
    Solid Information--A Fossil Community--Curious Ways and Customs
    --Jesuit Humbuggery--Fantastic Pilgrimizing--Origin of the Russ Pavement
    --Squaring Accounts with the Fossils--At Sea Again

    CHAPTER VII.
    A Tempest at Night--Spain and Africa on Exhibition--Greeting a Majestic
    Stranger--The Pillars of Hercules--The Rock of Gibraltar--Tiresome
    Repetition--"The Queen's Chair"--Serenity Conquered--Curiosities of
    the Secret Caverns--Personnel of Gibraltar--Some Odd Characters
    --A Private Frolic in Africa--Bearding a Moorish Garrison (without loss
    of life)--Vanity Rebuked--Disembarking in the Empire of Morocco

    CHAPTER VIII.
    The Ancient City of Tangier, Morocco--Strange Sights--A Cradle of
    Antiquity--We become Wealthy--How they Rob the Mail in Africa--The Danger
    of being Opulent in Morocco

    CHAPTER IX.
    A Pilgrim--in Deadly Peril--How they Mended the Clock--Moorish
    Punishments for Crime--Marriage Customs--Looking Several ways for Sunday
    --Shrewd, Practice of Mohammedan Pilgrims--Reverence for Cats--Bliss of
    being a Consul-General

    CHAPTER X.
    Fourth of July at Sea--Mediterranean Sunset--The "Oracle" is Delivered
    of an Opinion--Celebration Ceremonies--The Captain's Speech--France in
    Sight--The Ignorant Native--In Marseilles--Another Blunder--Lost in
    the Great City--Found Again--A Frenchy Scene

    CHAPTER XI.
    Getting used to it--No Soap--Bill of Fare, Table d'hote--"An American
    Sir"--A Curious Discovery--The "Pilgrim" Bird--Strange Companionship
    --A Grave of the Living--A Long Captivity--Some of Dumas' Heroes--Dungeon
    of the Famous "Iron Mask."

    CHAPTXR XII.
    A Holiday Flight through France--Summer Garb of the Landscape--Abroad
    on the Great Plains--Peculiarities of French Cars--French Politeness
    American Railway Officials--"Twenty Mnutes to Dinner!"--Why there
    are no Accidents--The "Old Travellers"--Still on the Wing--Paris at
    Last----French Order and Quiet--Place of the Bastile--Seeing the Sights
    --A Barbarous Atrocity--Absurd Billiards

    CHAPTER XIII.
    More Trouble--Monsieur Billfinger--Re-Christening the Frenchman--In the
    Clutches of a Paris Guide--The International Exposition--Fine Military
    Review--Glimpse of the Emperor Napoleon and the Sultan of Turkey

    CHAPTER XIV.
    The Venerable Cathedral of Notre-Dame--Jean Sanspeur's Addition
    --Treasures and Sacred Relics--The Legend of the Cross--The Morgue--The
    Outrageious 'Can-Can'--Blondin Aflame--The Louvre Palace--The Great Park
    --Showy Pageantry--Preservation of Noted Things

    CHAPTER XV.
    French National Burying--Ground--Among the Great Dead--The Shrine of
    Disappointed Love--The Story of Abelard and Heloise--"English Spoken
    Here"--"American Drinks Compounded Here"--Imperial Honors to an
    American--The Over-estimated Grisette--Departure from Paris--A Deliberate
    Opinion Concerning the Comeliness of American Women

    CHAPTER XVI.
    Versailles--Paradise Regained--A Wonderful Park--Paradise Lost
    --Napoleonic Strategy

    CHAPTER XVII.
    War--The American Forces Victorious--" Home Again"--Italy in Sight
    The "City of Palaces"--Beauty of the Genoese Women--The "Stub-Hunters"
    --Among the Palaces--Gifted Guide--Church Magnificence--"Women not
    Admitted"--How the Genoese Live--Massive Architecture--A Scrap of Ancient
    History--Graves for 60,000

    CHAPTER XVIII.
    Flying Through Italy--Marengo--First Glimpse of the Famous Cathedral
    --Description of some of its Wonders--A Horror Carved in Stone----An
    Unpleasant Adventure--A Good Man--A Sermon from the Tomb--Tons of Gold
    and Silver--Some More Holy Relics--Solomon's Temple

    CHAPTER XIX
    "Do You Wiz zo Haut can be?"--La Scala--Petrarch and Laura--Lucrezia
    Borgia--Ingenious Frescoes--Ancient Roman Amphitheatre--A Clever
    Delusion--Distressing Billiards--The Chief Charm of European Life--An
    Italian Bath--Wanted: Soap--Crippled French--Mutilated English--The Most
    Celebrated Painting in the World--Amateur Raptures--Uninspired Critics
    --Anecdote--A Wonderful Echo--A Kiss for a Franc

    CHAPTER XX
    Rural Italy by Rail--Fumigated, According to Law--The Sorrowing
    Englishman--Night by the Lake of Como--The Famous Lake--Its Scenery
    --Como compared with Tahoe--Meeting a Shipmate

    CHAPTER XXI.
    The Pretty Lago di Lecco--A Carriage Drive in the Country--Astonishing
    Sociability in a Coachman--Sleepy Land--Bloody Shrines--The Heart and
    Home of Priestcraft--A Thrilling Mediaeval Romance--The Birthplace of
    Harlequin--Approaching Venice

    CHAPTER XXII.
    Night in Venice--The "Gay Gondolier"--The Grand Fete by Moonlight
    --The Notable Sights of Venice--The Mother of the Republics Desolate

    CHANTER XXIII.
    The Famous Gondola--The Gondola in an Unromantic Aspect--The Great Square
    of St. Mark and the Winged Lion--Snobs, at Home and Abroad--Sepulchres of
    the Great Dead--A Tilt at the "Old Masters"--A Contraband Guide
    --The Conspiracy--Moving Again

    CHAPTER XXIV.
    Down Through Italy by Rail--Idling in Florence--Dante and Galileo--An
    Ungrateful City--Dazzling Generosity--Wonderful Mosaics--The Historical
    Arno--Lost Again--Found Again, but no Fatted Calf Ready--The Leaning
    Tower of Pisa--The Ancient Duomo--The Old Original First Pendulum that
    Ever Swung--An Enchanting Echo--A New Holy Sepulchre--A Relic of
    Antiquity--A Fallen Republic--At Leghorn--At Home Again, and Satisfied,
    on Board the Ship--Our Vessel an Object of Grave Suspicion--Garibaldi
    Visited--Threats of Quarantine

    CHAPTER XXV.
    The Works of Bankruptcy--Railway Grandeur--How to Fill an Empty
    Treasury--The Sumptuousness of Mother Church--Ecclesiastical Splendor
    --Magnificence and Misery--General Execration--More Magnificence
    A Good Word for the Priests--Civita Vecchia the Dismal--Off for Rome

    CHAPTER XXVI.
    The Modern Roman on His Travels--The Grandeur of St. Peter's--Holy Relics
    --Grand View from the Dome--The Holy Inquisition--Interesting Old Monkish
    Frauds--The Ruined Coliseum--The Coliseum in the Days of its Prime
    --Ancient Playbill of a Coliseum Performance--A Roman Newspaper Criticism
    1700 Years Old

    CHAPTER XXVII.
    "Butchered to Make a Roman Holiday"--The Man who Never Complained
    --An Exasperating Subject--Asinine Guides--The Roman Catacombs
    The Saint Whose Fervor Burst his Ribs--The Miracle of the Bleeding Heart
    --The Legend of Ara Coeli

    CHAPTER XXVIII.
    Picturesque Horrors--The Legend of Brother Thomas--Sorrow Scientifically
    Analyzed--A Festive Company of the Dead--The Great Vatican Museum
    Artist Sins of Omission--The Rape of the Sabines--Papal Protection of
    Art--High Price of "Old Masters"--Improved Scripture--Scale of Rank
    of the Holy Personages in Rome--Scale of Honors Accorded Them
    --Fossilizing--Away for Naples

    CHAPTER XXIX.
    Naples--In Quarantine at Last--Annunciation--Ascent of Mount Vesuvius--A
    Two Cent Community--The Black Side of Neapolitan Character--Monkish
    Miracles--Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued--The Stranger and the
    Hackman--Night View of Naples from the Mountain-side---Ascent of Mount
    Vesuvius Continued

    CHAPTER XXX.
    Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued--Beautiful View at Dawn--Less
    Beautiful in the Back Streets--Ascent of Vesuvius Continued--Dwellings a
    Hundred Feet High--A Motley Procession--Bill of Fare for a Peddler's
    Breakfast--Princely Salaries--Ascent of Vesuvius Continued--An Average of
    Prices--The wonderful "Blue Grotto"--Visit to Celebrated Localities in
    the Bay of Naples--The Poisoned "Grotto of the Dog"--A Petrified Sea of
    Lava--Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued--The Summit Reached--Description
    of the Crater--Descent of Vesuvius

    CHAPTER XXXI.
    The Buried City of Pompeii--How Dwellings Appear that have been
    Unoccupied for Eighteen hundred years--The Judgment Seat--Desolation--The
    Footprints of the Departed--"No Women Admitted"--Theatres, Bakeshops,
    Schools--Skeletons preserved by the Ashes and Cinders--The Brave Martyr
    to Duty--Rip Van Winkle--The Perishable Nature of Fame

    CHAPTER XXXII.
    At Sea Once More--The Pilgrims all Well--Superb Stromboli--Sicily by
    Moonlight--Scylla and Charybdis--The "Oracle" at Fault--Skirting the
    Isles of Greece Ancient Athens--Blockaded by Quarantine and Refused
    Permission to Enter--Running the Blockade--A Bloodless Midnight
    Adventure--Turning Robbers from Necessity--Attempt to Carry the Acropolis
    by Storm--We Fail--Among the Glories of the Past--A World of Ruined
    Sculpture--A Fairy Vision--Famous Localities--Retreating in Good Order
    --Captured by the Guards--Travelling in Military State--Safe on Board
    Again

    CHAPTER XXXIII.
    Modern Greece--Fallen Greatness--Sailing Through the Archipelago and the
    Dardanelles--Footprints of History--The First Shoddy Contractor of whom
    History gives any Account--Anchored Before Constantinople--Fantastic
    Fashions--The Ingenious Goose-Rancher--Marvelous Cripples--The Great
    Mosque--The Thousand and One Columns--The Grand Bazaar of Stamboul

    CHAPTER XXXIV.
    Scarcity of Morals and Whiskey--Slave-Girl Market Report--Commercial
    Morality at a Discount--The Slandered Dogs of Constantinople
    --Questionable Delights of Newspaperdom in Turkey--Ingenious Italian
    Journalism--No More Turkish Lunches Desired--The Turkish Bath Fraud
    --The Narghileh Fraud--Jackplaned by a Native--The Turkish Coffee Fraud

    CHAPTER XXXV.
    Sailing Through the Bosporus and the Black Sea--"Far-Away Moses"
    --Melancholy Sebastopol--Hospitably Received in Russia--Pleasant English
    People--Desperate Fighting--Relic Hunting--How Travellers Form "Cabinets"

    CHAPTER XXXVI.
    Nine Thousand Miles East--Imitation American Town in Russia--Gratitude
    that Came Too Late--To Visit the Autocrat of All the Russias

    CHAPTER XXXVII.
    Summer Home of Royalty--Practising for the Dread Ordeal--Committee on
    Imperial Address--Reception by the Emperor and Family--Dresses of the
    Imperial Party--Concentrated Power--Counting the Spoons--At the Grand
    Duke's--A Charming Villa--A Knightly Figure--The Grand Duchess--A Grand
    Ducal Breakfast--Baker's Boy, the Famine-Breeder--Theatrical Monarchs a
    Fraud--Saved as by Fire--The Governor--General's Visit to the Ship
    --Official "Style"--Aristocratic Visitors--"Munchausenizing" with Them
    --Closing Ceremonies

    CHAPTER XXXVIII.
    Return to Constantinople--We Sail for Asia--The Sailors Burlesque the
    Imperial Visitors--Ancient Smyrna--The "Oriental Splendor" Fraud
    --The "Biblical Crown of Life"--Pilgrim Prophecy-Savans--Sociable
    Armenian Girls--A Sweet Reminiscence--"The Camels are Coming, Ha-ha!"

    CHAPTER XXXIX.
    Smyrna's Lions--The Martyr Polycarp--The "Seven Churches"--Remains of the
    Six Smyrnas--Mysterious Oyster Mine Oysters--Seeking Scenery--A Millerite
    Tradition--A Railroad Out of its Sphere

    CHAPTER XL.
    Journeying Toward Ancient Ephesus--Ancient Ayassalook--The Villanous
    Donkey--A Fantastic Procession--Bygone Magnificence--Fragments of
    History--The Legend of the Seven Sleepers

    CHAPTER XLI.
    Vandalism Prohibited--Angry Pilgrims--Approaching Holy Land!--The "Shrill
    Note of Preparation"--Distress About Dragomans and Transportation
    --The "Long Route" Adopted--In Syria--Something about Beirout--A Choice
    Specimen of a Greek "Ferguson"--Outfits--Hideous Horseflesh--Pilgrim
    "Style"--What of Aladdin's Lamp?

    CHAPTER XLII.
    "Jacksonville," in the Mountains of Lebanon--Breakfasting above a Grand
    Panorama--The Vanished City--The Peculiar Steed, "Jericho"--The Pilgrims
    Progress--Bible Scenes--Mount Hermon, Joshua's Battle Fields, etc.
    --The Tomb of Noah--A Most Unfortunate People

    CHAPTER XLIII.
    Patriarchal Customs--Magnificent Baalbec--Description of the Ruins
    --Scribbling Smiths and Joneses--Pilgrim Fidelity to the Letter of the Law
    --The Revered Fountain of Baalam's Ass

    CHAPTER XLIV.
    Extracts from Note-Book--Mahomet's Paradise and the Bible's--Beautiful
    Damascus the Oldest City on Earth--Oriental Scenes within the Curious Old
    City--Damascus Street Car--The Story of St. Paul--The "Street called
    Straight"--Mahomet's Tomb and St. George's--The Christian Massacre
    --Mohammedan Dread of Pollution--The House of Naaman
    --The Horrors of Leprosy

    CHAPTER XLV.
    The Cholera by way of Variety--Hot--Another Outlandish Procession--Pen
    and-Ink Photograph of "Jonesborough," Syria--Tomb of Nimrod, the Mighty
    Hunter--The Stateliest Ruin of All--Stepping over the Borders of
    Holy-Land--Bathing in the Sources of Jordan--More "Specimen" Hunting
    --Ruins of Cesarea--Philippi--"On This Rock Will I Build my Church"--The
    People the Disciples Knew--The Noble Steed "Baalbec"--Sentimental Horse
    Idolatry of the Arabs

    CHAPTER XLVI.
    Dan--Bashan--Genessaret--A Notable Panorama--Smallness of Palestine
    --Scraps of History--Character of the Country--Bedouin Shepherds--Glimpses
    of the Hoary Past--Mr. Grimes's Bedouins--A Battle--Ground of Joshua
    --That Soldier's Manner of Fighting--Barak's Battle--The Necessity of
    Unlearning Some Things--Desolation

    CHAPTER XLVII.
    "Jack's Adventure"--Joseph's Pit--The Story of Joseph--Joseph's
    Magnanimity and Esau's--The Sacred Lake of Genessaret--Enthusiasm of the
    Pilgrims--Why We did not Sail on Galilee--About Capernaum--Concerning the
    Saviour's Brothers and Sisters--Journeying toward Magdela

    CHAPTER XLVIII.
    Curious Specimens of Art and Architecture--Public Reception of the
    Pilgrims--Mary Magdalen's House--Tiberias and its Queer Inhabitants
    --The Sacred Sea of Galilee--Galilee by Night

    CHAPTER XLIX.
    The Ancient Baths--Ye Apparition--A Distinguished Panorama--The Last
    Battle of the Crusades--The Story of the Lord of Kerak--Mount Tabor
    --What one Sees from its Top--Memory of a Wonderful Garden--The House of
    Deborah the Prophetess

    CHAPTER L.
    Toward Nazareth--Bitten By a Camel--Grotto of the Annunciation, Nazareth
    --Noted Grottoes in General--Joseph's Workshop--A Sacred Bowlder
    --The Fountain of the Virgin--Questionable Female Beauty
    --Literary Curiosities

    CHAPTER LI.
    Boyhood of the Saviour--Unseemly Antics of Sober Pilgrims--Home of the
    Witch of Endor--Nain--Profanation--A Popular Oriental Picture--Biblical
    Metaphors Becoming steadily More Intelligible--The Shuuem Miracle
    --The "Free Son of The Desert"--Ancient Jezrael--Jehu's Achievements
    --Samaria and its Famous Siege

    CHAPTER LII
    Curious Remnant of the Past--Shechem--The Oldest "First Family" on Earth
    --The Oldest Manuscript Extant--The Genuine Tomb of Joseph--Jacob's Well
    --Shiloh--Camping with the Arabs--Jacob's Ladder--More Desolation
    --Ramah, Beroth, the Tomb of Samuel, The Fountain of Beira--Impatience
    --Approaching Jerusalem--The Holy City in Sight--Noting Its Prominent
    Features--Domiciled Within the Sacred Walls

    CHAPTER LIII.
    "The Joy of the Whole Earth"--Description of Jerusalem--Church of the
    Holy Sepulchre--The Stone of Unction--The Grave of Jesus--Graves of
    Nicodemus and Joseph of Armattea--Places of the Apparition--The Finding
    of the There Crosses----The Legend--Monkish Impostures--The Pillar of
    Flagellation--The Place of a Relic--Godfrey's Sword--"The Bonds of
    Christ"--"The Center of the Earth"--Place whence the Dust was taken of
    which Adam was Made--Grave of Adam--The Martyred Soldier--The Copper
    Plate that was on the Cross--The Good St. Helena--Place of the Division
    of the Garments--St. Dimas, the Penitent Thief--The Late Emperor
    Maximilian's Contribution--Grotto wherein the Crosses were Found, and the
    Nails, and the Crown of Thorns--Chapel of the Mocking--Tomb of
    Melchizedek--Graves of Two Renowned Crusaders--The Place of the
    Crucifixion

    CHAPTER LIV.
    The "Sorrowful Way"--The Legend of St. Veronica's Handkerchief
    --An Illustrious Stone--House of the Wandering Jew--The Tradition of the
    Wanderer--Solomon's Temple--Mosque of Omar--Moslem Traditions--"Women not
    Admitted"--The Fate of a Gossip--Turkish Sacred Relics--Judgment Seat of
    David and Saul--Genuine Precious Remains of Solomon's Temple--Surfeited
    with Sights--The Pool of Siloam--The Garden of Gethsemane and Other
    Sacred Localities

    CHAPTER LV.
    Rebellion in the Camp--Charms of Nomadic Life--Dismal Rumors--En Route
    for Jericho and The Dead Sea--Pilgrim Strategy--Bethany and the Dwelling
    of Lazarus--"Bedouins!"--Ancient Jericho--Misery--The Night March
    --The Dead Sea--An Idea of What a "Wilderness" in Palestine is--The Holy
    hermits of Mars Saba--Good St. Saba--Women not Admitted--Buried from the
    World for all Time--Unselfish Catholic Benevolence--Gazelles--The Plain
    of the Shepherds--Birthplace of the Saviour, Bethlehem--Church of the
    Nativity--Its Hundred Holy Places--The Famous "Milk" Grotto--Tradition
    --Return to Jerusalem--Exhausted

    CHAPTER LVI.
    Departure from Jerusalem--Samson--The Plain of Sharon--Arrival at Joppa
    --Horse of Simon the Tanner--The Long Pilgrimage Ended--Character of
    Palestine Scenery--The Curse

    CHAPTER LVII.
    The Happiness of being at Sea once more--"Home" as it is in a Pleasure
    Ship--"Shaking Hands" with the Vessel--Jack in Costume--His Father's
    Parting Advice--Approaching Egypt--Ashore in Alexandria--A Deserved
    Compliment for the Donkeys--Invasion of the Lost Tribes of America--End
    of the Celebrated "Jaffa Colony"--Scenes in Grand Cairo--Shepheard's
    Hotel Contrasted with a Certain American Hotel--Preparing for the
    Pyramids

    CHAPTER LVIII.
    "Recherche" Donkeys--A Wild Ride--Specimens of Egyptian Modesty--Moses in
    the Bulrushes--Place where the Holy Family Sojourned--Distant view of the
    Pyramids--A Nearer View--The Ascent--Superb View from the top of the
    Pyramid--"Backsheesh! Backsheesh!"--An Arab Exploit--In the Bowels of the
    Pyramid--Strategy--Reminiscence of "Holiday's Hill"--Boyish Exploit--The
    Majestic Sphynx--Things the Author will not Tell--Grand Old Egypt

    CHAPTER LIX.
    Going Home--A Demoralized Note-Book--A Boy's Diary--Mere Mention of Old
    Spain--Departure from Cadiz--A Deserved Rebuke--The Beautiful Madeiras
    --Tabooed--In the Delightful Bermudas--An English Welcome--Good-by to
    "Our Friends the Bermudians"--Packing Trunks for Home--Our First
    Accident--The Long Cruise Drawing to a Close--At Home--Amen

    CHAPTER LX.
    Thankless Devotion--A Newspaper Valedictory--Conclusion

    PREFACE

    This book is a record of a pleasure trip. If it were a record of a
    solemn scientific expedition, it would have about it that gravity, that
    profundity, and that impressive incomprehensibility which are so proper
    to works of that kind, and withal so attractive. Yet notwithstanding it
    is only a record of a pic-nic, it has a purpose, which is to suggest to
    the reader how he would be likely to see Europe and the East if he looked
    at them with his own eyes instead of the eyes of those who traveled in
    those countries before him. I make small pretense of showing anyone how
    he ought to look at objects of interest beyond the sea--other books do
    that, and therefore, even if I were competent to do it, there is no need.

    I offer no apologies for any departures from the usual style of
    travel-writing that may be charged against me--for I think I have seen with
    impartial eyes, and I am sure I have written at least honestly, whether
    wisely or not.

    In this volume I have used portions of letters which I wrote for the
    Daily Alta California, of San Francisco, the proprietors of that journal
    having waived their rights and given me the necessary permission. I have
    also inserted portions of several letters written for the New York
    Tribune and the New York Herald.

    THE AUTHOR.
    SAN FRANCISCO.
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