The Peach in Brandy: A Milesian Tale

TALE IV.

Fitz Scanlan Mac Giolla l'ha druig,[1] king of Kilkenny, the thousand
and fifty-seventh descendant in a direct line from Milesius king of
Spain, had an only daughter called Great A, and by corruption Grata; who
being arrived at years of discretion, and perfectly initiated by her
royal parents in the arts of government, the fond monarch determined to
resign his crown to her: having accordingly assembled the senate, he
declared his resolution to them, and having delivered his sceptre into
the princess's hand, he obliged her to ascend the throne; and to set the
example, was the first to kiss her hand, and vow eternal obedience to
her. The senators were ready to stifle the new queen with panegyrics and
addresses; the people, though they adored the old king, were transported
with having a new sovereign, and the university, according to custom
immemorial, presented her majesty, three months after every body had
forgotten the event, with testimonials of the excessive sorrow and
excessive joy they felt on losing one monarch and getting another.

Her majesty was now in the fifth year of her age, and a prodigy of sense
and goodness. In her first speech to the senate, which she lisped with
inimitable grace, she assured them that her [2] heart was entirely
Irish, and that she did not intend any longer to go in leading-strings,
as a proof of which she immediately declared her nurse prime-minister.
The senate applauded this sage choice with even greater encomiums
than the last, and voted a free gift to the queen of a million of
sugar-plumbs, and to the favourite of twenty thousand bottles of
usquebaugh. Her majesty then jumping from her throne, declared it was
her royal pleasure to play at blindman's-buff, but such a hub-bub arose
from the senators pushing, and pressing, and squeezing, and punching one
another, to endeavour to be the first blinded, that in the scuffle her
majesty was thrown down and got a bump on her forehead as big as a
pigeon's egg, which set her a squalling, that you might have heard her
to Tipperary. The old king flew into a rage, and snatching up the mace
knocked out the chancellor's brains, who at that time happened not to
have any; and the queen-mother, who sat in a tribune above to see the
ceremony, fell into a fit and [3] miscarried of twins, who were killed
by her majesty's fright; but the earl of Bullaboo, great butler of the
crown, happening to stand next to the queen, catched up one of the dead
children, and perceiving it was a boy, ran down to the [4] king and
wished him joy of the birth of a son and heir. The king, who had now
recovered his sweet temper, called him a fool and blunderer, upon which
Mr. Phelim O'Torture, a zealous courtier, started up with great presence
of