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    Chapter 10

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    Chapter 10
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    Upstairs, in her own room, in the peaceful, convent-like atmosphere
    she found there, Helene experienced a feeling of suffocation. Her room
    astonished her, so calm, so secluded, so drowsy did it seem with its
    blue velvet hangings, while she came to it hotly panting with the
    emotion which thrilled her. Was this indeed her room, this dreary,
    lifeless nook, devoid of air? Hastily she threw open a window, and
    leaned out to gaze on Paris.

    The rain had ceased, and the clouds were trooping off like some herd
    of monsters hurrying in disorderly array into the gloom of the
    horizon. A blue gap, that grew larger by degrees, had opened up above
    the city. But Helene, her elbows trembling on the window-rail, still
    breathless from her hasty ascent, saw nothing, and merely heard her
    heart beating against her swelling breast. She drew a long breath, but
    it seemed to her that the spreading valley with its river, its two
    millions of people, its immense city, its distant hills, could not
    hold air enough to enable her to breathe peacefully and regularly
    again.

    For some minutes she remained there distracted by the fever of passion
    which possessed her. It seemed as though a torrent of sensations and
    confused ideas were pouring down on her, their roar preventing her
    from hearing her own voice or understanding aught. There was a buzzing
    in her ears, and large spots of light swam slowly before her eyes.
    Then she suddenly found herself examining her gloved hands, and
    remembering that she had omitted to sew on a button that had come off
    the left-hand glove. And afterwards she spoke aloud, repeating several
    times, in tones that grew fainter and fainter: "I love you! I love
    you! oh, how I love you!"

    Instinctively she buried her face in her hands, and pressed her
    fingers to her eyelids as though to intensify the darkness in which
    she sought to plunge. It was a wish to annihilate herself, to see no
    more, to be utterly alone, girt in by the gloom of night. Her
    breathing grew calmer. Paris blew its mighty breath upon her face; she
    knew it lay before her, and though she had no wish to look on it, she
    felt full of terror at the thought of leaving the window, and of no
    longer having beneath her that city whose vastness lulled her to rest.

    Ere long she grew unmindful of all around her. The love-scene and
    confession, despite her efforts, again woke to life in her mind. In
    the inky darkness Henri appeared to her, every feature so distinct and
    vivid that she could perceive the nervous twitching of his lips. He
    came nearer and hung over her. And then she wildly darted back. But,
    nevertheless, she felt a burning breath on her shoulders and a voice
    exclaimed: "I love you! I love you!" With a mighty effort she put the
    phantom to flight, but it again took shape in the distance, and slowly
    swelled to its whilom proportions; it was Henri once more following
    her into the dining-room, and still murmuring: "I love you! I love
    you!" These words rang within her breast with the sonorous clang of a
    bell; she no longer heard anything but them, pealing their loudest
    throughout her frame. Nevertheless, she desired to reflect, and again
    strove to escape from the apparition. He had spoken; never would she
    dare to look on his face again. The brutal passion of the man had
    tainted the tenderness of their love. She conjured up past hours, in
    which he had loved her without being so cruel as to say it; hours
    spent in the garden amidst the tranquillity of the budding springtime
    God! he had spoken--the thought clung to her so stubbornly, lowered on
    her in such immensity and with such weight, that the instant
    destruction of Paris by a thunderbolt before her eyes would have
    seemed a trivial matter. Her heart was rent by feelings of indignant
    protest and haughty anger, commingling with a secret and unconquerable
    pleasure, which ascended from her inner being and bereft her of her
    senses. He had spoken, and was speaking still, he sprang up
    unceasingly before her, uttering those passionate words: "I love you!
    I love you!"--words that swept into oblivion all her past life as wife
    and mother.

    In spite of her brooding over this vision, she retained some
    consciousness of the vast expanse which stretched beneath her, beyond
    the darkness that curtained her sight. A loud rumbling arose, and
    waves of life seemed to surge up and circle around her. Echoes, odors,
    and even light streamed against her face, though her hands were still
    nervously pressed to it. At times sudden gleams appeared to pierce her
    closed eyelids, and amidst the radiance she imagined she saw
    monuments, steeples, and domes standing out in the diffuse light of
    dreamland. Then she lowered her hands and, opening her eyes, was
    dazzled. The vault of heaven expanded before her, and Henri had
    vanished.

    A line of clouds, a seeming mass of crumbling chalk-hills, now barred
    the horizon far away. Across the pure, deep blue heavens overhead,
    merely a few light, fleecy cloudlets were slowly drifting, like a
    flotilla of vessels with full-blown sails. On the north, above
    Montmartre, hung a network of extreme delicacy, fashioned as it were
    of pale-hued silk, and spread over a patch of sky as though for
    fishing in those tranquil waters. Westward, however, in the direction
    of the slopes of Meudon, which Helene could not see, the last drops of
    the downpour must still have been obscuring the sun, for, though the
    sky above was clear, Paris remained gloomy, dismal beneath the vapor
    of the drying house-roofs. It was a city of uniform hue--the
    bluey-grey of slate, studded with black patches of trees--but withal
    very distinct, with the sharp outlines and innumberable windows of its
    houses. The Seine gleamed with the subdued brightness of old silver.
    The edifices on either bank looked as though they had been smeared
    with soot. The Tower of St. Jacques rose up like some rust-eaten
    museum curio, whilst the Pantheon assumed the aspect of a gigantic
    catafalque above the darkened district which it overlooked. Gleams of
    light peeped only from the gilding of the dome of the Invalides, like
    lamps burning in the daytime, sad and vague amidst the crepuscular
    veil of mourning in which the city was draped. All the usual effects
    of distance had vanished; Paris resembled a huge yet minutely executed
    charcoal drawing, showing very vigorously through its cloudy veil,
    under the limpid heavens.

    Gazing upon this dismal city, Helene reflected that she really knew
    nothing of Henri. She felt strong and brave now that his image no
    longer pursued her. A rebellious impulse stirred her soul to reject
    the mastery which this man had gained over her within a few weeks. No,
    she did not know him. She knew nothing of him, of his actions or his
    thoughts; she could not even have determined whether he possessed
    talent. Perhaps he was even more lacking in qualities of the heart
    than of the mind. And thus she gave way to every imagining, her heart
    full of bitterness, ever finding herself confronted by her ignorance,
    that barrier which separated her from Henri, and checked her in her
    efforts to know him. She knew nothing, she would never know anything.
    She pictured him, hissing out those burning words, and creating within
    her the one trouble which had, till now, broken in on the quiet
    happiness of her life. Whence had he sprung to lay her life desolate
    in this fashion? She suddenly thought that but six weeks before she
    had had no existence for him, and this thought was insufferable.
    Angels in heaven! to live no more for one another, to pass each other
    without recognition, perhaps never to meet again! In her despair she
    clasped her hands, and her eyes filled with tears.

    Then Helene gazed fixedly on the towers of Notre-Dame in the far
    distance. A ray of light from between two clouds tinged them with
    gold. Her brain was heavy, as though surcharged with all the
    tumultuous thoughts hurtling within it. It made her suffer; she would
    fain have concerned herself with the sight of Paris, and have sought
    to regain her life-peace by turning on that sea of roofs the tranquil
    glances of past days. To think that at other times, at the same hour,
    the infinitude of the city--in the stillness of a lovely twilight--had
    lulled her into tender musing!

    At present Paris was brightening in the sunshine. After the first ray
    had fallen on Notre-Dame, others had followed, streaming across the
    city. The luminary, dipping in the west, rent the clouds asunder, and
    the various districts spread out, motly with ever-changing lights and
    shadows. For a time the whole of the left bank was of a leaden hue,
    while the right was speckled with spots of light which made the verge
    of the river resemble the skin of some huge beast of prey. Then these
    resemblances varied and vanished at the mercy of the wind, which drove
    the clouds before it. Above the burnished gold of the housetops dark
    patches floated, all in the same direction and with the same gentle
    and silent motion. Some of them were very large, sailing along with
    all the majestic grace of an admiral's ship, and surrounded by smaller
    ones, preserving the regular order of a squadron in line of battle.
    Then one vast shadow, with a gap yawning like a serpent's mouth,
    trailed along, and for a while hid Paris, which it seemed ready to
    devour. And when it had reached the far-off horizon, looking no larger
    than a worm, a gush of light streamed from a rift in a cloud, and fell
    into the void which it had left. The golden cascade could be seen
    descending first like a thread of fine sand, then swelling into a huge
    cone, and raining in a continuous shower on the Champs-Elysees
    district, which it inundated with a splashing, dancing radiance. For a
    long time did this shower of sparks descend, spraying continuously
    like a fusee.

    Ah, well! this love was her fate, and Helene ceased to resist. She
    could battle no longer against her feelings. And in ceasing to
    struggle she tasted immeasurable delight. Why should she grudge
    herself happiness any longer? The memory of her past life inspired her
    with disgust and aversion. How had she been able to drag on that cold,
    dreary existence, of which she was formerly so proud? A vision rose
    before her of herself as a young girl living in the Rue des
    Petites-Maries, at Marseilles, where she had ever shivered; she saw
    herself a wife, her heart's blood frozen in the companionship of a big
    child of a husband, with little to take any interest in, apart from the
    cares of her household; she saw herself through every hour of her life
    following the same path with the same even tread, without a trouble to
    mar her peace; and now this monotony in which she had lived, her heart
    fast asleep, enraged her beyond expression. To think that she had
    fancied herself happy in thus following her path for thirty years, her
    passions silent, with naught but the pride of virtue to fill the blank
    in her existence. How she had cheated herself with her integrity and
    nice honor, which had girt her round with the empty joys of piety! No,
    no; she had had enough of it; she wished to live! And an awful spirit
    of ridicule woke within her as she thought of the behests of reason.
    Her reason, forsooth! she felt a contemptuous pity for it; during all
    the years she had lived it had brought her no joy to be compared with
    that she had tasted during the past hour. She had denied the
    possibility of stumbling, she had been vain and idiotic enough to
    think that she would go on to the end without her foot once tripping
    against a stone. Ah, well! to-day she almost longed to fall. Oh that
    she might disappear, after tasting for one moment the happiness which
    she had never enjoyed!

    Within her soul, however, a great sorrow lingered, a heart-burning and
    a consciousness of a gloomy blank. Then argument rose to her lips. Was
    she not free? In her love for Henri she deceived nobody; she could
    deal as she pleased with her love. Then, did not everything exculpate
    her? What had been her life for nearly two years? Her widowhood, her
    unrestricted liberty, her loneliness--everything, she realized, had
    softened and prepared her for love. Love must have been smouldering
    within her during the long evenings spent between her two old friends,
    the Abbe and his brother, those simple hearts whose serenity had
    lulled it to rest; it had been growing whilst she remained shut up
    within those narrow walls, far away from the world, and gazed on Paris
    rumbling noisily on the horizon; it had been growing even when she
    leaned from that window in the dreamy mood which she had scarce been
    conscious of, but which little by little had rendered her so weak. And
    a recollection came to her of that radiant spring morning when Paris
    had shone out fair and clear, as though in a glass mirror, when it had
    worn the pure, sunny hue of childhood, as she lazily surveyed it,
    stretched in her easy-chair with a book upon her knees. That morning
    love had first awoke--a scarcely perceptible feeling that she had been
    unable to define, and against which she had believed herself strongly
    armed. To-day she was in the same place, but devoured by overpowering
    passion, while before her eyes the dying sun illumined the city with
    flame. It seemed to her that one day had sufficed for all, that this
    was the ruddy evening following upon that limpid morning; and she
    imagined she could feel those fiery beams scorching her heart.

    But a change had come over the sky. The sun, in its descent towards
    the slopes of Meudon, had just burst through the last clouds in all
    its splendor. The azure vault was illuminated with glory; deep on the
    horizon the crumbling ridge of chalk clouds, blotting out the distant
    suburbs of Charenton and Choisy-le-Roi, now reared rocks of a tender
    pink, outlined with brilliant crimson; the flotilla of cloudlets
    drifting slowly through the blue above Paris, was decked with purple
    sails; while the delicate network, seemingly fashioned of white silk
    thread, above Montmartre, was suddenly transformed into golden cord,
    whose meshes would snare the stars as soon as they should rise.

    Beneath the flaming vault of heaven lay Paris, a mass of yellow,
    striped with huge shadows. On the vast square below Helene, in an
    orange-tinted haze, cabs and omnibuses crossed in all directions,
    amidst a crowd of pedestrians, whose swarming blackness was softened
    and irradiated by splashes of light. The students of a seminary were
    hurrying in serried ranks along the Quai de Billy, and the trail of
    cassocks acquired an ochraceous hue in the diffuse light. Farther
    away, vehicles and foot-passengers faded from view; it was only by
    their gleaming lamps that you were made aware of the vehicles which,
    one behind the other, were crossing some distant bridge. On the left
    the straight, lofty, pink chimneys of the Army Bakehouse were belching
    forth whirling clouds of flesh-tinted smoke; whilst, across the river,
    the beautiful elms of the Quai d'Orsay rose up in a dark mass
    transpierced by shafts of light.

    The Seine, whose banks the oblique rays were enfilading, was rolling
    dancing wavelets, streaked with scattered splashes of blue, green, and
    yellow; but farther up the river, in lieu of this blotchy coloring,
    suggestive of an Eastern sea, the waters assumed a uniform golden hue,
    which became more and more dazzling. You might have thought that some
    ingot were pouring forth from an invisible crucible on the horizon,
    broadening out with a coruscation of bright colors as it gradually
    grew colder. And at intervals over this brilliant stream, the bridges,
    with curves growing ever more slender and delicate, threw, as it were,
    grey bars, till there came at last a fiery jumble of houses, above
    which rose the towers of Notre-Dame, flaring red like torches. Right
    and left alike the edifices were all aflame. The glass roof of the
    Palais de l'Industrie appeared like a bed of glowing embers amidst the
    Champs-Elysees groves. Farther on, behind the roof of the Madeline,
    the huge pile of the Opera House shone out like a mass of burnished
    copper; and the summits of other buildings, cupolas, and towers, the
    Vendome column, the church of Saint-Vincent de Paul, the tower of
    Saint-Jacques, and, nearer in, the pavilions of the new Louvre and the
    Tuileries, were crowned by a blaze, which lent them the aspect of
    sacrificial pyres. The dome of the Invalides was flaring with such
    brilliancy that you instinctively feared lest it should suddenly
    topple down and scatter burning flakes over the neighborhood. Beyond
    the irregular towers of Saint-Sulpice, the Pantheon stood out against
    the sky in dull splendor, like some royal palace of conflagration
    reduced to embers. Then, as the sun declined, the pyre-like edifices
    gradually set the whole of Paris on fire. Flashes sped over the
    housetops, while black smoke lingered in the valleys. Every frontage
    turned towards the Trocadero seemed to be red-hot, the glass of the
    windows glittering and emitting a shower of sparks, which darted
    upwards as though some invisible bellows were ever urging the huge
    conflagration into greater activity. Sheaves of flame were also ever
    rising afresh from the adjacent districts, where the streets opened,
    now dark and now all ablaze. Even far over the plain, from a ruddy
    ember-like glow suffusing the destroyed faubourgs, occasional flashes
    of flame shot up as from some fire struggling again into life. Ere
    long a furnace seemed raging, all Paris burned, the heavens became yet
    more empurpled, and the clouds hung like so much blood over the vast
    city, colored red and gold.

    With the ruddy tints falling upon her, yielding to the passion which
    was devouring her, Helene was still gazing upon Paris all ablaze, when
    a little hand was placed on her shoulder, and she gave a start. It was
    Jeanne, calling her. "Mamma! mamma!"

    She turned her head, and the child went on: "At last! Didn't you hear
    me before? I have called you at least a dozen times."

    The little girl, still in her Japanese costume, had sparkling eyes,
    and cheeks flushed with pleasure. She gave her mother no time for
    answer.

    "You ran away from me nicely! Do you know, they were hunting for you
    everywhere? Had it not been for Pauline, who came with me to the
    bottom of the staircase, I shouldn't have dared to cross the road."

    With a pretty gesture, she brought her face close to her mother's
    lips, and, without pausing, whispered the question: "Do you love me?"

    Helene kissed her somewhat absently. She was amazed and impatient at
    her early return. Had an hour really gone by since she had fled from
    the ball-room? However, to satisfy the child, who seemed uneasy, she
    told her that she had felt rather unwell. The fresh air was doing her
    good; she only needed a little quietness.

    "Oh! don't fear; I'm too tired," murmured Jeanne. "I am going to stop
    here, and be very, very good. But, mamma dear, I may talk, mayn't I?"

    She nestled close to Helene, full of joy at the prospect of not being
    undressed at once. She was in ecstasies over her embroidered purple
    gown and green silk petticoat; and she shook her head to rattle the
    pendants hanging from the long pins thrust through her hair. At last
    there burst from her lips a rush of hasty words. Despite her seeming
    demureness, she had seen everything, heard everything, and remembered
    everything; and she now made ample amends for her former assumed
    dignity, silence, and indifference.

    "Do you know, mamma, it was an old fellow with a grey beard who made
    Punch move his arms and legs? I saw him well enough when the curtain
    was drawn aside. Yes, and the little boy Guiraud began to cry. How
    stupid of him, wasn't it? They told him the policeman would come and
    put some water in his soup; and at last they had to carry him off, for
    he wouldn't stop crying. And at lunch, too, Marguerite stained her
    milkmaid's dress all over with jam. Her mamma wiped it off and said to
    her: 'Oh, you dirty girl!' She even had a lot of it in her hair. I
    never opened my mouth, but it did amuse me to see them all rush at the
    cakes! Were they not bad-mannered, mamma dear?"

    She paused for a few seconds, absorbed in some reminiscence, and then
    asked, with a thoughtful air: "I say, mamma, did you eat any of those
    yellow cakes with white cream inside? Oh! they were nice! they were
    nice! I kept the dish beside me the whole time."

    Helene was not listening to this childish chatter. But Jeanne talked
    to relieve her excited brain. She launched out again, giving the
    minutest details about the ball, and investing each little incident
    with the greatest importance.

    "You did not see that my waistband came undone just as we began
    dancing. A lady, whose name I don't know, pinned it up for me. So I
    said to her: 'Madame, I thank you very much.' But while I was dancing
    with Lucien the pin ran into him, and he asked me: 'What have you got
    in front of you that pricks me so?' Of course I knew nothing about it,
    and told him I had nothing there to prick him. However, Pauline came
    and put the pin in its proper place. Ah! but you've no idea how they
    pushed each other about; and one great stupid of a boy gave Sophie a
    blow on the back which made her fall. The Levasseur girls jumped about
    with their feet close together. I am pretty certain that isn't the way
    to dance. But the best of it all came at the end. You weren't there;
    so you can't know. We all took one another by the arms, and then
    whirled round; it was comical enough to make one die laughing.
    Besides, some of the big gentlemen were whirling around as well. It's
    true; I am not telling fibs. Why, don't you believe me, mamma dear?"

    Helene's continued silence was beginning to vex Jeanne. She nestled
    closer, and gave her mother's hand a shake. But, perceiving that she
    drew only a few words from her, she herself, by degrees, lapsed into
    silence, into thought of the incidents of that ball of which her heart
    was full. Both mother and daughter now sat mutely gazing on Paris all
    aflame. It seemed to them yet more mysterious than ever, as it lay
    there illumined by blood-red clouds, like some city of an old-world
    tale expiating its lusts under a rain of fire.

    "Did you have any round dances?" all at once asked Helene, as if
    wakening with a start.

    "Yes, yes!" murmured Jeanne, engrossed in her turn.

    "And the doctor--did he dance!"

    "I should think so; he had a turn with me. He lift me up and asked me:
    'Where is your mamma? where is your mamma?' and then he kissed me."

    Helene unconsciously smiled. What need had she of knowing Henri well?
    It appeared sweeter to her not to know him--ay, never to know him well
    --and to greet him simply as the one whose coming she had awaited so
    long. Why should she feel astonished or disquieted? At the fated hour
    he had met her on her life-journey. Her frank nature accepted whatever
    might be in store; and quietude, born of the knowledge that she loved
    and was beloved, fell on her mind. She told her heart that she would
    prove strong enough to prevent her happiness from being marred.

    But night was coming on and a chilly breeze arose. Jeanne, still
    plunged in reverie, began to shiver. She reclined her head on her
    mother's bosom, and, as though the question were inseparably connected
    with her deep meditation, she murmured a second time: "Do you love
    me?"

    Then Helene, her face still glad with smiles, took her head within her
    hands and for a moment examined her face closely. Next she pressed a
    long kiss near her mouth, over a ruddy spot on her skin. It was there,
    she could divine it, that Henri had kissed the child!

    The gloomy ridge of the Meudon hills was already partially concealing
    the disc of the sun. Over Paris the slanting beams of light had yet
    lengthened. The shadow cast by the dome of the Invalides--increased to
    stupendous proportions--covered the whole of the Saint-Germain
    district; while the Opera-House, the Saint-Jacques tower, the columns
    and the steeples, threw streaks of darkness over the right bank
    dwellings. The lines of house-fronts, the yawning streets, the islands
    of roofs, were burning with a more sullen glow. The flashes of fire
    died away in the darkening windows, as though the houses were reduced
    to embers. Distant bells rang out; a rumbling noise fell on the ears,
    and then subsided. With the approach of night the expanse of sky grew
    more vast, spreading a vault of violet, streaked with gold and purple,
    above the ruddy city. But all at once the conflagration flared afresh
    with formidable intensity, a last great flame shot up from Paris,
    illumining its entire expanse, and even its hitherto hidden suburbs.
    Then it seemed as if a grey, ashy dust were falling; and though the
    clustering districts remained erect, they wore the gloomy,
    unsubstantial aspect of coals which had ceased to burn.
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    Chapter 10
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