VII. To Maitre Francoys Rabelais - Page 2

laryngoscopes, stethoscopes, horoscopes,
microscopes, weighing machines, and such other tools, engines, and arms as
they had who, after thy time, persecuted Monsieur de Pourceaugnac! And they
all, rushing on Brother John, cried out to him, ' Abstain! Abstain!' And one
said, 'I have well diagnosed thee, and thou art in a fair way to have the
gout.' 'I never did better in my days,' said Brother John. 'Away with thy
meats and drinks!' they cried. And one said, 'He must to Royat;' and another,
'Hence with him to Aix ;' and a third, 'Banish him to Wiesbaden;' and a
fourth, 'Hale him to Gastein ;' and yet another, ' To Barbouille with him in
chains!'

And while others felt his pulse and looked at his tongue, they all wrote
prescriptions for him like men mad. 'For thy eating,' cried he that seemed to
be their leader, 'No soup!' 'No soup!' quoth Brother John; and those cheeks of
his, whereat you might have warmed your two hands in the winter solstice, grew
white as lilies. 'Nay! and no salmon nor any beef nor mutton! A little chicken
by times, but _periculo_tuo_! Nor any game, such as grouse, partridge,
pheasant, capercailzie, wild duck; nor any cheese, nor fruit, nor pastry, nor
coffee, nor eau de vie; and avoid all sweets. No veal, pork, nor made dishes
of any kind.' 'Then what may I eat?' quoth the good Brother, whose valour had
oozed out of the soles of his sandals. 'A little cold bacon at breakfast--no
eggs,' quoth the leader of the strange folk, 'and a slice of toast without
butter.' 'And for thy drink'-- ('What?' gasped Brother John)--'one
dessert-spoonful of whisky, with a pint of the water of Apollinaris at
luncheon and dinner. No more!' At this Brother John fainted, falling like a
great buttress of a hill, such as Taygetus or Erymanthus.

While they were busy with him, others of the frantic folk had built great
platforms of wood, whereon they all stood and spoke at once, both men and
women. And of these some wore red crosses on their garments, which meaneth
'Salvation ;' and others wore white crosses, with a little black button of
crape, to signify 'Purity;' and others bits of blue to mean 'Abstinence.'
While some of these pursued Panurge others did beset Pantagruel; asking him
very long questions, whereunto he gave but short answers. Thus they asked:

Have ye Local Option here?--Pan.: What?

May one man drink if his neighbour be not athirst?-- Pan.: Yea!

Have ye Free Education? -- Pan.: What?

Must they that have, pay to school them that have not?-- Pan.: Nay

Have ye free land?--Pan.: What?

Have ye taken the land from the farmer, and given it to the tailor out of work
and the candlemaker masterless? --Pan.: Nay!

Have your women folk votes?--Pan.: Bosh!

Have ye got