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    Act 5, Scene IV

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    Chapter 22
    Previous Chapter
    SCENE IV. The forest.

    Enter DUKE SENIOR, AMIENS, JAQUES, ORLANDO, OLIVER, and CELIA
    DUKE SENIOR
    Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boy
    Can do all this that he hath promised?

    ORLANDO
    I sometimes do believe, and sometimes do not;
    As those that fear they hope, and know they fear.

    Enter ROSALIND, SILVIUS, and PHEBE

    ROSALIND
    Patience once more, whiles our compact is urged:
    You say, if I bring in your Rosalind,
    You will bestow her on Orlando here?

    DUKE SENIOR
    That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her.

    ROSALIND
    And you say, you will have her, when I bring her?

    ORLANDO
    That would I, were I of all kingdoms king.

    ROSALIND
    You say, you'll marry me, if I be willing?

    PHEBE
    That will I, should I die the hour after.

    ROSALIND
    But if you do refuse to marry me,
    You'll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd?

    PHEBE
    So is the bargain.

    ROSALIND
    You say, that you'll have Phebe, if she will?

    SILVIUS
    Though to have her and death were both one thing.

    ROSALIND
    I have promised to make all this matter even.
    Keep you your word, O duke, to give your daughter;
    You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter:
    Keep your word, Phebe, that you'll marry me,
    Or else refusing me, to wed this shepherd:
    Keep your word, Silvius, that you'll marry her.
    If she refuse me: and from hence I go,
    To make these doubts all even.

    Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA

    DUKE SENIOR
    I do remember in this shepherd boy
    Some lively touches of my daughter's favour.

    ORLANDO
    My lord, the first time that I ever saw him
    Methought he was a brother to your daughter:
    But, my good lord, this boy is forest-born,
    And hath been tutor'd in the rudiments
    Of many desperate studies by his uncle,
    Whom he reports to be a great magician,
    Obscured in the circle of this forest.

    Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY

    JAQUES
    There is, sure, another flood toward, and these
    couples are coming to the ark. Here comes a pair of
    very strange beasts, which in all tongues are called fools.

    TOUCHSTONE
    Salutation and greeting to you all!

    JAQUES
    Good my lord, bid him welcome: this is the
    motley-minded gentleman that I have so often met in
    the forest: he hath been a courtier, he swears.

    TOUCHSTONE
    If any man doubt that, let him put me to my
    purgation. I have trod a measure; I have flattered
    a lady; I have been politic with my friend, smooth
    with mine enemy; I have undone three tailors; I have
    had four quarrels, and like to have fought one.

    JAQUES
    And how was that ta'en up?

    TOUCHSTONE
    Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the
    seventh cause.

    JAQUES
    How seventh cause? Good my lord, like this fellow.

    DUKE SENIOR
    I like him very well.

    TOUCHSTONE
    God 'ild you, sir; I desire you of the like. I
    press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country
    copulatives, to swear and to forswear: according as
    marriage binds and blood breaks: a poor virgin,
    sir, an ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine own; a poor
    humour of mine, sir, to take that that no man else
    will: rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a
    poor house; as your pearl in your foul oyster.

    DUKE SENIOR
    By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.

    TOUCHSTONE
    According to the fool's bolt, sir, and such dulcet diseases.

    JAQUES
    But, for the seventh cause; how did you find the
    quarrel on the seventh cause?

    TOUCHSTONE
    Upon a lie seven times removed:--bear your body more
    seeming, Audrey:--as thus, sir. I did dislike the
    cut of a certain courtier's beard: he sent me word,
    if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the
    mind it was: this is called the Retort Courteous.
    If I sent him word again 'it was not well cut,' he
    would send me word, he cut it to please himself:
    this is called the Quip Modest. If again 'it was
    not well cut,' he disabled my judgment: this is
    called the Reply Churlish. If again 'it was not
    well cut,' he would answer, I spake not true: this
    is called the Reproof Valiant. If again 'it was not
    well cut,' he would say I lied: this is called the
    Counter-cheque Quarrelsome: and so to the Lie
    Circumstantial and the Lie Direct.

    JAQUES
    And how oft did you say his beard was not well cut?

    TOUCHSTONE
    I durst go no further than the Lie Circumstantial,
    nor he durst not give me the Lie Direct; and so we
    measured swords and parted.

    JAQUES
    Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?

    TOUCHSTONE
    O sir, we quarrel in print, by the book; as you have
    books for good manners: I will name you the degrees.
    The first, the Retort Courteous; the second, the
    Quip Modest; the third, the Reply Churlish; the
    fourth, the Reproof Valiant; the fifth, the
    Countercheque Quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with
    Circumstance; the seventh, the Lie Direct. All
    these you may avoid but the Lie Direct; and you may
    avoid that too, with an If. I knew when seven
    justices could not take up a quarrel, but when the
    parties were met themselves, one of them thought but
    of an If, as, 'If you said so, then I said so;' and
    they shook hands and swore brothers. Your If is the
    only peacemaker; much virtue in If.

    JAQUES
    Is not this a rare fellow, my lord? he's as good at
    any thing and yet a fool.

    DUKE SENIOR
    He uses his folly like a stalking-horse and under
    the presentation of that he shoots his wit.

    Enter HYMEN, ROSALIND, and CELIA

    Still Music

    HYMEN
    Then is there mirth in heaven,
    When earthly things made even
    Atone together.
    Good duke, receive thy daughter
    Hymen from heaven brought her,
    Yea, brought her hither,
    That thou mightst join her hand with his
    Whose heart within his bosom is.

    ROSALIND
    [To DUKE SENIOR] To you I give myself, for I am yours.

    To ORLANDO

    To you I give myself, for I am yours.

    DUKE SENIOR
    If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.

    ORLANDO
    If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.

    PHEBE
    If sight and shape be true,
    Why then, my love adieu!

    ROSALIND
    I'll have no father, if you be not he:
    I'll have no husband, if you be not he:
    Nor ne'er wed woman, if you be not she.

    HYMEN
    Peace, ho! I bar confusion:
    'Tis I must make conclusion
    Of these most strange events:
    Here's eight that must take hands
    To join in Hymen's bands,
    If truth holds true contents.
    You and you no cross shall part:
    You and you are heart in heart
    You to his love must accord,
    Or have a woman to your lord:
    You and you are sure together,
    As the winter to foul weather.
    Whiles a wedlock-hymn we sing,
    Feed yourselves with questioning;
    That reason wonder may diminish,
    How thus we met, and these things finish.
    SONG.
    Wedding is great Juno's crown:
    O blessed bond of board and bed!
    'Tis Hymen peoples every town;
    High wedlock then be honoured:
    Honour, high honour and renown,
    To Hymen, god of every town!

    DUKE SENIOR
    O my dear niece, welcome thou art to me!
    Even daughter, welcome, in no less degree.

    PHEBE
    I will not eat my word, now thou art mine;
    Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine.

    Enter JAQUES DE BOYS

    JAQUES DE BOYS
    Let me have audience for a word or two:
    I am the second son of old Sir Rowland,
    That bring these tidings to this fair assembly.
    Duke Frederick, hearing how that every day
    Men of great worth resorted to this forest,
    Address'd a mighty power; which were on foot,
    In his own conduct, purposely to take
    His brother here and put him to the sword:
    And to the skirts of this wild wood he came;
    Where meeting with an old religious man,
    After some question with him, was converted
    Both from his enterprise and from the world,
    His crown bequeathing to his banish'd brother,
    And all their lands restored to them again
    That were with him exiled. This to be true,
    I do engage my life.

    DUKE SENIOR
    Welcome, young man;
    Thou offer'st fairly to thy brothers' wedding:
    To one his lands withheld, and to the other
    A land itself at large, a potent dukedom.
    First, in this forest, let us do those ends
    That here were well begun and well begot:
    And after, every of this happy number
    That have endured shrewd days and nights with us
    Shall share the good of our returned fortune,
    According to the measure of their states.
    Meantime, forget this new-fall'n dignity
    And fall into our rustic revelry.
    Play, music! And you, brides and bridegrooms all,
    With measure heap'd in joy, to the measures fall.

    JAQUES
    Sir, by your patience. If I heard you rightly,
    The duke hath put on a religious life
    And thrown into neglect the pompous court?

    JAQUES DE BOYS
    He hath.

    JAQUES
    To him will I : out of these convertites
    There is much matter to be heard and learn'd.

    To DUKE SENIOR

    You to your former honour I bequeath;
    Your patience and your virtue well deserves it:

    To ORLANDO

    You to a love that your true faith doth merit:

    To OLIVER

    You to your land and love and great allies:

    To SILVIUS

    You to a long and well-deserved bed:

    To TOUCHSTONE

    And you to wrangling; for thy loving voyage
    Is but for two months victuall'd. So, to your pleasures:
    I am for other than for dancing measures.

    DUKE SENIOR
    Stay, Jaques, stay.

    JAQUES
    To see no pastime I what you would have
    I'll stay to know at your abandon'd cave.

    Exit

    DUKE SENIOR
    Proceed, proceed: we will begin these rites,
    As we do trust they'll end, in true delights.

    A dance

    EPILOGUE

    ROSALIND
    It is not the fashion to see the lady the epilogue;
    but it is no more unhandsome than to see the lord
    the prologue. If it be true that good wine needs
    no bush, 'tis true that a good play needs no
    epilogue; yet to good wine they do use good bushes,
    and good plays prove the better by the help of good
    epilogues. What a case am I in then, that am
    neither a good epilogue nor cannot insinuate with
    you in the behalf of a good play! I am not
    furnished like a beggar, therefore to beg will not
    become me: my way is to conjure you; and I'll begin
    with the women. I charge you, O women, for the love
    you bear to men, to like as much of this play as
    please you: and I charge you, O men, for the love
    you bear to women--as I perceive by your simpering,
    none of you hates them--that between you and the
    women the play may please. If I were a woman I
    would kiss as many of you as had beards that pleased
    me, complexions that liked me and breaths that I
    defied not: and, I am sure, as many as have good
    beards or good faces or sweet breaths will, for my
    kind offer, when I make curtsy, bid me farewell.

    Exeunt
    Chapter 22
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