Act 3, Scene I

SCENE I. Before the house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus.

Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, DROMIO of Ephesus, ANGELO, and BALTHAZAR
ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS
Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all;
My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours:
Say that I linger'd with you at your shop
To see the making of her carcanet,
And that to-morrow you will bring it home.
But here's a villain that would face me down
He met me on the mart, and that I beat him,
And charged him with a thousand marks in gold,
And that I did deny my wife and house.
Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know;
That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to show:
If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were ink,
Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS
I think thou art an ass.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Marry, so it doth appear
By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear.
I should kick, being kick'd; and, being at that pass,
You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass.
ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS
You're sad, Signior Balthazar: pray God our cheer
May answer my good will and your good welcome here.

BALTHAZAR
I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your
welcome dear.
ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS
O, Signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish,
A table full of welcome make scarce one dainty dish.

BALTHAZAR
Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.
ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS
And welcome more common; for that's nothing but words.

BALTHAZAR
Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.
ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS
Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparing guest:
But though my cates be mean, take them in good part;
Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.
But, soft! my door is lock'd. Go bid them let us in.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicel, Gillian, Ginn!

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
[Within] Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb,
idiot, patch!
Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch.
Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st
for such store,
When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
What patch is made our porter? My master stays in
the street.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
[Within] Let him walk from whence he came, lest he
catch cold on's feet.
ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS
Who talks within there? ho, open the door!

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
[Within] Right, sir; I'll tell you when, an you tell
me wherefore.
ANTIPHOLUS

OF EPHESUS