Act 3, Scene I - Page 2

you know him; Master Doctor Caius, the
renowned French physician.

SIR HUGH EVANS
Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as
lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.

PAGE
Why?

SIR HUGH EVANS
He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,
--and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as you
would desires to be acquainted withal.

PAGE
I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him.

SHALLOW
[Aside] O sweet Anne Page!

SHALLOW
It appears so by his weapons. Keep them asunder:
here comes Doctor Caius.

Enter Host, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY

PAGE
Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon.

SHALLOW
So do you, good master doctor.

Host
Disarm them, and let them question: let them keep
their limbs whole and hack our English.

DOCTOR CAIUS
I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear.
Vherefore vill you not meet-a me?

SIR HUGH EVANS
[Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you, use your patience:
in good time.

DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.

SIR HUGH EVANS
[Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you let us not be
laughing-stocks to other men's humours; I desire you
in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends.

Aloud

I will knog your urinals about your knave's cockscomb
for missing your meetings and appointments.

DOCTOR CAIUS
Diable! Jack Rugby,--mine host de Jarteer,--have I
not stay for him to kill him? have I not, at de place
I did appoint?

SIR HUGH EVANS
As I am a Christians soul now, look you, this is the
place appointed: I'll be judgement by mine host of
the Garter.

Host
Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh,
soul-curer and body-curer!

DOCTOR CAIUS
Ay, dat is very good; excellent.

Host
Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am I
politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I
lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the
motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir
Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the
no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give me
thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have
deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong
places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are
whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay
their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace;
follow, follow, follow.

SHALLOW
Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow.

SLENDER
[Aside] O sweet Anne Page!

Exeunt SHALLOW, SLENDER, PAGE, and Host

DOCTOR CAIUS
Ha, do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of
us, ha, ha?