Act 4, Scene II

SCENE II. A room in FORD'S house.

Enter FALSTAFF and MISTRESS FORD
FALSTAFF
Mistress Ford, your sorrow hath eaten up my
sufferance. I see you are obsequious in your love,
and I profess requital to a hair's breadth; not
only, Mistress Ford, in the simple
office of love, but in all the accoutrement,
complement and ceremony of it. But are you
sure of your husband now?

MISTRESS FORD
He's a-birding, sweet Sir John.

MISTRESS PAGE
[Within] What, ho, gossip Ford! what, ho!

MISTRESS FORD
Step into the chamber, Sir John.

Exit FALSTAFF

Enter MISTRESS PAGE

MISTRESS PAGE
How now, sweetheart! who's at home besides yourself?

MISTRESS FORD
Why, none but mine own people.

MISTRESS PAGE
Indeed!

MISTRESS FORD
No, certainly.

Aside to her

Speak louder.

MISTRESS PAGE
Truly, I am so glad you have nobody here.

MISTRESS FORD
Why?

MISTRESS PAGE
Why, woman, your husband is in his old lunes again:
he so takes on yonder with my husband; so rails
against all married mankind; so curses all Eve's
daughters, of what complexion soever; and so buffets
himself on the forehead, crying, 'Peer out, peer
out!' that any madness I ever yet beheld seemed but
tameness, civility and patience, to this his
distemper he is in now: I am glad the fat knight is not here.

MISTRESS FORD
Why, does he talk of him?

MISTRESS PAGE
Of none but him; and swears he was carried out, the
last time he searched for him, in a basket; protests
to my husband he is now here, and hath drawn him and
the rest of their company from their sport, to make
another experiment of his suspicion: but I am glad
the knight is not here; now he shall see his own foolery.

MISTRESS FORD
How near is he, Mistress Page?

MISTRESS PAGE
Hard by; at street end; he will be here anon.

MISTRESS FORD
I am undone! The knight is here.

MISTRESS PAGE
Why then you are utterly shamed, and he's but a dead
man. What a woman are you!--Away with him, away
with him! better shame than murder.

FORD
Which way should be go? how should I bestow him?
Shall I put him into the basket again?

Re-enter FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF
No, I'll come no more i' the basket. May I not go
out ere he come?

MISTRESS PAGE
Alas, three of Master Ford's brothers watch the door
with pistols, that none shall issue out; otherwise
you might slip away ere he came. But what make you here?

FALSTAFF
What shall I do? I'll creep up into the chimney.

MISTRESS FORD
There they always use to discharge their
birding-pieces. Creep