Act 4, Scene II - Page 2

into the kiln-hole.

FALSTAFF
Where is it?

MISTRESS FORD
He will seek there, on my word. Neither press,
coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, but he hath an
abstract for the remembrance of such places, and
goes to them by his note: there is no hiding you in the house.

FALSTAFF
I'll go out then.

MISTRESS PAGE
If you go out in your own semblance, you die, Sir
John. Unless you go out disguised--

MISTRESS FORD
How might we disguise him?

MISTRESS PAGE
Alas the day, I know not! There is no woman's gown
big enough for him otherwise he might put on a hat,
a muffler and a kerchief, and so escape.

FALSTAFF
Good hearts, devise something: any extremity rather
than a mischief.

MISTRESS FORD
My maid's aunt, the fat woman of Brentford, has a
gown above.

MISTRESS PAGE
On my word, it will serve him; she's as big as he
is: and there's her thrummed hat and her muffler
too. Run up, Sir John.

MISTRESS FORD
Go, go, sweet Sir John: Mistress Page and I will
look some linen for your head.

MISTRESS PAGE
Quick, quick! we'll come dress you straight: put
on the gown the while.

Exit FALSTAFF

MISTRESS FORD
I would my husband would meet him in this shape: he
cannot abide the old woman of Brentford; he swears
she's a witch; forbade her my house and hath
threatened to beat her.

MISTRESS PAGE
Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel, and the
devil guide his cudgel afterwards!

MISTRESS FORD
But is my husband coming?

MISTRESS PAGE
Ah, in good sadness, is he; and talks of the basket
too, howsoever he hath had intelligence.

MISTRESS FORD
We'll try that; for I'll appoint my men to carry the
basket again, to meet him at the door with it, as
they did last time.

MISTRESS PAGE
Nay, but he'll be here presently: let's go dress him
like the witch of Brentford.

MISTRESS FORD
I'll first direct my men what they shall do with the
basket. Go up; I'll bring linen for him straight.

Exit

MISTRESS PAGE
Hang him, dishonest varlet! we cannot misuse him enough.
We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do,
Wives may be merry, and yet honest too:
We do not act that often jest and laugh;
'Tis old, but true, Still swine eat all the draff.

Exit

Re-enter MISTRESS FORD with two Servants

MISTRESS FORD
Go, sirs, take the basket again on your shoulders:
your master is hard at door; if he bid you set it
down, obey him: quickly, dispatch.

Exit

First Servant
Come, come, take it up.

Second Servant
Pray heaven it be not full of knight again.