Act 4, Scene V - Page 2

was, mine host; one that hath taught
me more wit than ever I learned before in my life;
and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for
my learning.

Enter BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH
Out, alas, sir! cozenage, mere cozenage!

Host
Where be my horses? speak well of them, varletto.

BARDOLPH
Run away with the cozeners; for so soon as I came
beyond Eton, they threw me off from behind one of
them, in a slough of mire; and set spurs and away,
like three German devils, three Doctor Faustuses.

Host
They are gone but to meet the duke, villain: do not
say they be fled; Germans are honest men.

Enter SIR HUGH EVANS

SIR HUGH EVANS
Where is mine host?

Host
What is the matter, sir?

SIR HUGH EVANS
Have a care of your entertainments: there is a
friend of mine come to town tells me there is three
cozen-germans that has cozened all the hosts of
Readins, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses and
money. I tell you for good will, look you: you
are wise and full of gibes and vlouting-stocks, and
'tis not convenient you should be cozened. Fare you well.

Exit

Enter DOCTOR CAIUS

DOCTOR CAIUS
Vere is mine host de Jarteer?

Host
Here, master doctor, in perplexity and doubtful dilemma.

DOCTOR CAIUS
I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a me dat
you make grand preparation for a duke de Jamany: by
my trot, dere is no duke dat the court is know to
come. I tell you for good vill: adieu.

Exit

Host
Hue and cry, villain, go! Assist me, knight. I am
undone! Fly, run, hue and cry, villain! I am undone!

Exeunt Host and BARDOLPH

FALSTAFF
I would all the world might be cozened; for I have
been cozened and beaten too. If it should come to
the ear of the court, how I have been transformed
and how my transformation hath been washed and
cudgelled, they would melt me out of my fat drop by
drop and liquor fishermen's boots with me; I warrant
they would whip me with their fine wits till I were
as crest-fallen as a dried pear. I never prospered
since I forswore myself at primero. Well, if my
wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent.

Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY

Now, whence come you?

MISTRESS QUICKLY
From the two parties, forsooth.

FALSTAFF
The devil take one party and his dam the other! and
so they shall be both bestowed. I have suffered more
for their sakes, more than the villanous inconstancy
of man's disposition is able to bear.

MISTRESS QUICKLY
And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant;
speciously one of them; Mistress Ford, good heart,
is beaten black and