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    Act 3, Scene II

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    Chapter 8
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    SCENE II. A room in LEONATO'S house

    Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, and LEONATO
    DON PEDRO
    I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and
    then go I toward Arragon.

    CLAUDIO
    I'll bring you thither, my lord, if you'll
    vouchsafe me.

    DON PEDRO
    Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new gloss
    of your marriage as to show a child his new coat
    and forbid him to wear it. I will only be bold
    with Benedick for his company; for, from the crown
    of his head to the sole of his foot, he is all
    mirth: he hath twice or thrice cut Cupid's
    bow-string and the little hangman dare not shoot at
    him; he hath a heart as sound as a bell and his
    tongue is the clapper, for what his heart thinks his
    tongue speaks.

    BENEDICK
    Gallants, I am not as I have been.

    LEONATO
    So say I methinks you are sadder.

    CLAUDIO
    I hope he be in love.

    DON PEDRO
    Hang him, truant! there's no true drop of blood in
    him, to be truly touched with love: if he be sad,
    he wants money.

    BENEDICK
    I have the toothache.

    DON PEDRO
    Draw it.

    BENEDICK
    Hang it!

    CLAUDIO
    You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards.

    DON PEDRO
    What! sigh for the toothache?

    LEONATO
    Where is but a humour or a worm.

    BENEDICK
    Well, every one can master a grief but he that has
    it.

    CLAUDIO
    Yet say I, he is in love.

    DON PEDRO
    There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be
    a fancy that he hath to strange disguises; as, to be
    a Dutchman today, a Frenchman to-morrow, or in the
    shape of two countries at once, as, a German from
    the waist downward, all slops, and a Spaniard from
    the hip upward, no doublet. Unless he have a fancy
    to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no
    fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is.

    CLAUDIO
    If he be not in love with some woman, there is no
    believing old signs: a' brushes his hat o'
    mornings; what should that bode?

    DON PEDRO
    Hath any man seen him at the barber's?

    CLAUDIO
    No, but the barber's man hath been seen with him,
    and the old ornament of his cheek hath already
    stuffed tennis-balls.

    LEONATO
    Indeed, he looks younger than he did, by the loss of a beard.

    DON PEDRO
    Nay, a' rubs himself with civet: can you smell him
    out by that?

    CLAUDIO
    That's as much as to say, the sweet youth's in love.

    DON PEDRO
    The greatest note of it is his melancholy.

    CLAUDIO
    And when was he wont to wash his face?

    DON PEDRO
    Yea, or to paint himself? for the which, I hear
    what they say of him.

    CLAUDIO
    Nay, but his jesting spirit; which is now crept into
    a lute-string and now governed by stops.

    DON PEDRO
    Indeed, that tells a heavy tale for him: conclude,
    conclude he is in love.

    CLAUDIO
    Nay, but I know who loves him.

    DON PEDRO
    That would I know too: I warrant, one that knows him not.

    CLAUDIO
    Yes, and his ill conditions; and, in despite of
    all, dies for him.

    DON PEDRO
    She shall be buried with her face upwards.

    BENEDICK
    Yet is this no charm for the toothache. Old
    signior, walk aside with me: I have studied eight
    or nine wise words to speak to you, which these
    hobby-horses must not hear.

    Exeunt BENEDICK and LEONATO

    DON PEDRO
    For my life, to break with him about Beatrice.

    CLAUDIO
    'Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by this
    played their parts with Beatrice; and then the two
    bears will not bite one another when they meet.

    Enter DON JOHN

    DON JOHN
    My lord and brother, God save you!

    DON PEDRO
    Good den, brother.

    DON JOHN
    If your leisure served, I would speak with you.

    DON PEDRO
    In private?

    DON JOHN
    If it please you: yet Count Claudio may hear; for
    what I would speak of concerns him.

    DON PEDRO
    What's the matter?

    DON JOHN
    [To CLAUDIO] Means your lordship to be married
    to-morrow?

    DON PEDRO
    You know he does.

    DON JOHN
    I know not that, when he knows what I know.

    CLAUDIO
    If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it.

    DON JOHN
    You may think I love you not: let that appear
    hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will
    manifest. For my brother, I think he holds you
    well, and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect
    your ensuing marriage;--surely suit ill spent and
    labour ill bestowed.

    DON PEDRO
    Why, what's the matter?

    DON JOHN
    I came hither to tell you; and, circumstances
    shortened, for she has been too long a talking of,
    the lady is disloyal.

    CLAUDIO
    Who, Hero?

    DON PEDRO
    Even she; Leonato's Hero, your Hero, every man's Hero:

    CLAUDIO
    Disloyal?

    DON JOHN
    The word is too good to paint out her wickedness; I
    could say she were worse: think you of a worse
    title, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not till
    further warrant: go but with me to-night, you shall
    see her chamber-window entered, even the night
    before her wedding-day: if you love her then,
    to-morrow wed her; but it would better fit your honour
    to change your mind.

    CLAUDIO
    May this be so?

    DON PEDRO
    I will not think it.

    DON JOHN
    If you dare not trust that you see, confess not
    that you know: if you will follow me, I will show
    you enough; and when you have seen more and heard
    more, proceed accordingly.

    CLAUDIO
    If I see any thing to-night why I should not marry
    her to-morrow in the congregation, where I should
    wed, there will I shame her.

    DON PEDRO
    And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join
    with thee to disgrace her.

    DON JOHN
    I will disparage her no farther till you are my
    witnesses: bear it coldly but till midnight, and
    let the issue show itself.

    DON PEDRO
    O day untowardly turned!

    CLAUDIO
    O mischief strangely thwarting!

    DON JOHN
    O plague right well prevented! so will you say when
    you have seen the sequel.

    Exeunt
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