Act 3, Scene III

SCENE III. A street.

Enter DOGBERRY and VERGES with the Watch
DOGBERRY
Are you good men and true?

VERGES
Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer
salvation, body and soul.

DOGBERRY
Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if
they should have any allegiance in them, being
chosen for the prince's watch.

VERGES
Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogberry.

DOGBERRY
First, who think you the most desertless man to be
constable?

First Watchman
Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole; for they can
write and read.

DOGBERRY
Come hither, neighbour Seacole. God hath blessed
you with a good name: to be a well-favoured man is
the gift of fortune; but to write and read comes by nature.

Second Watchman
Both which, master constable,--

DOGBERRY
You have: I knew it would be your answer. Well,
for your favour, sir, why, give God thanks, and make
no boast of it; and for your writing and reading,
let that appear when there is no need of such
vanity. You are thought here to be the most
senseless and fit man for the constable of the
watch; therefore bear you the lantern. This is your
charge: you shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are
to bid any man stand, in the prince's name.

Second Watchman
How if a' will not stand?

DOGBERRY
Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go; and
presently call the rest of the watch together and
thank God you are rid of a knave.

VERGES
If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none
of the prince's subjects.

DOGBERRY
True, and they are to meddle with none but the
prince's subjects. You shall also make no noise in
the streets; for, for the watch to babble and to
talk is most tolerable and not to be endured.

Watchman
We will rather sleep than talk: we know what
belongs to a watch.

DOGBERRY
Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet
watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping should
offend: only, have a care that your bills be not
stolen. Well, you are to call at all the
ale-houses, and bid those that are drunk get them to bed.

Watchman
How if they will not?

DOGBERRY
Why, then, let them alone till they are sober: if
they make you not then the better answer, you may
say they are not the men you took them for.

Watchman
Well, sir.

DOGBERRY
If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue
of your office, to be no true man; and, for such
kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them,
why the more is for your honesty.

Watchman
If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay
hands on him?