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    Act 2, Scene I

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    SCENE I. A part of the Grecian camp.

    Enter AJAX and THERSITES
    AJAX
    Thersites!

    THERSITES
    Agamemnon, how if he had boils? full, all over,
    generally?

    AJAX
    Thersites!

    THERSITES
    And those boils did run? say so: did not the
    general run then? were not that a botchy core?

    AJAX
    Dog!

    THERSITES
    Then would come some matter from him; I see none now.

    AJAX
    Thou bitch-wolf's son, canst thou not hear?

    Beating him

    Feel, then.

    THERSITES
    The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel
    beef-witted lord!

    AJAX
    Speak then, thou vinewedst leaven, speak: I will
    beat thee into handsomeness.

    THERSITES
    I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness: but,
    I think, thy horse will sooner con an oration than
    thou learn a prayer without book. Thou canst strike,
    canst thou? a red murrain o' thy jade's tricks!

    AJAX
    Toadstool, learn me the proclamation.

    THERSITES
    Dost thou think I have no sense, thou strikest me thus?

    AJAX
    The proclamation!

    THERSITES
    Thou art proclaimed a fool, I think.

    AJAX
    Do not, porpentine, do not: my fingers itch.

    THERSITES
    I would thou didst itch from head to foot and I had
    the scratching of thee; I would make thee the
    loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth in
    the incursions, thou strikest as slow as another.

    AJAX
    I say, the proclamation!

    THERSITES
    Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles,
    and thou art as full of envy at his greatness as
    Cerberus is at Proserpine's beauty, ay, that thou
    barkest at him.

    AJAX
    Mistress Thersites!

    THERSITES
    Thou shouldest strike him.

    AJAX
    Cobloaf!

    THERSITES
    He would pun thee into shivers with his fist, as a
    sailor breaks a biscuit.

    AJAX
    [Beating him] You whoreson cur!

    THERSITES
    Do, do.

    AJAX
    Thou stool for a witch!

    THERSITES
    Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted lord! thou hast no
    more brain than I have in mine elbows; an assinego
    may tutor thee: thou scurvy-valiant ass! thou art
    here but to thrash Trojans; and thou art bought and
    sold among those of any wit, like a barbarian slave.

    If thou use to beat me, I will begin at thy heel, and
    tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no
    bowels, thou!

    AJAX
    You dog!

    THERSITES
    You scurvy lord!

    AJAX
    [Beating him] You cur!

    THERSITES
    Mars his idiot! do, rudeness; do, camel; do, do.

    Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS

    ACHILLES
    Why, how now, Ajax! wherefore do you thus? How now,
    Thersites! what's the matter,
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