Act 2, Scene I - Page 2

man?

THERSITES
You see him there, do you?

ACHILLES
Ay; what's the matter?

THERSITES
Nay, look upon him.

ACHILLES
So I do: what's the matter?

THERSITES
Nay, but regard him well.

ACHILLES
'Well!' why, I do so.

THERSITES
But yet you look not well upon him; for whosoever you
take him to be, he is Ajax.

ACHILLES
I know that, fool.

THERSITES
Ay, but that fool knows not himself.

AJAX
Therefore I beat thee.

THERSITES
Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! his
evasions have ears thus long. I have bobbed his
brain more than he has beat my bones: I will buy
nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia mater is not
worth the nineth part of a sparrow. This lord,
Achilles, Ajax, who wears his wit in his belly and
his guts in his head, I'll tell you what I say of
him.

ACHILLES
What?

THERSITES
I say, this Ajax--

Ajax offers to beat him

ACHILLES
Nay, good Ajax.

THERSITES
Has not so much wit--

ACHILLES
Nay, I must hold you.

THERSITES
As will stop the eye of Helen's needle, for whom he
comes to fight.

ACHILLES
Peace, fool!

THERSITES
I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will
not: he there: that he: look you there.

AJAX
O thou damned cur! I shall--

ACHILLES
Will you set your wit to a fool's?

THERSITES
No, I warrant you; for a fools will shame it.

PATROCLUS
Good words, Thersites.

ACHILLES
What's the quarrel?

AJAX
I bade the vile owl go learn me the tenor of the
proclamation, and he rails upon me.

THERSITES
I serve thee not.

AJAX
Well, go to, go to.

THERSITES
I serve here voluntarily.

ACHILLES
Your last service was sufferance, 'twas not
voluntary: no man is beaten voluntary: Ajax was
here the voluntary, and you as under an impress.

THERSITES
E'en so; a great deal of your wit, too, lies in your
sinews, or else there be liars. Hector have a great
catch, if he knock out either of your brains: a'
were as good crack a fusty nut with no kernel.

ACHILLES
What, with me too, Thersites?

THERSITES
There's Ulysses and old Nestor, whose wit was mouldy
ere your grandsires had nails on their toes, yoke you
like draught-oxen and make you plough up the wars.

ACHILLES
What, what?

THERSITES
Yes, good sooth: to, Achilles! to, Ajax! to!

AJAX
I shall cut out your tongue.

THERSITES
'Tis no matter! I shall speak as much as thou
afterwards.