Act 5, Scene I - Page 2

much brain as
earwax: and the goodly transformation of Jupiter
there, his brother, the bull,--the primitive statue,
and oblique memorial of cuckolds; a thrifty
shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his brother's
leg,--to what form but that he is, should wit larded
with malice and malice forced with wit turn him to?
To an ass, were nothing; he is both ass and ox: to
an ox, were nothing; he is both ox and ass. To be a
dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a lizard, an
owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe, I would
not care; but to be Menelaus, I would conspire
against destiny. Ask me not, what I would be, if I
were not Thersites; for I care not to be the louse
of a lazar, so I were not Menelaus! Hey-day!
spirits and fires!

Enter HECTOR, TROILUS, AJAX, AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES, NESTOR, MENELAUS, and DIOMEDES, with lights

AGAMEMNON
We go wrong, we go wrong.

AJAX
No, yonder 'tis;
There, where we see the lights.

HECTOR
I trouble you.

AJAX
No, not a whit.

ULYSSES
Here comes himself to guide you.

Re-enter ACHILLES

ACHILLES
Welcome, brave Hector; welcome, princes all.

AGAMEMNON
So now, fair prince of Troy, I bid good night.
Ajax commands the guard to tend on you.

HECTOR
Thanks and good night to the Greeks' general.

MENELAUS
Good night, my lord.

HECTOR
Good night, sweet lord Menelaus.

THERSITES
Sweet draught: 'sweet' quoth 'a! sweet sink,
sweet sewer.

ACHILLES
Good night and welcome, both at once, to those
That go or tarry.

AGAMEMNON
Good night.

Exeunt AGAMEMNON and MENELAUS

ACHILLES
Old Nestor tarries; and you too, Diomed,
Keep Hector company an hour or two.

DIOMEDES
I cannot, lord; I have important business,
The tide whereof is now. Good night, great Hector.

HECTOR
Give me your hand.

ULYSSES
[Aside to TROILUS] Follow his torch; he goes to
Calchas' tent:
I'll keep you company.

TROILUS
Sweet sir, you honour me.

HECTOR
And so, good night.

Exit DIOMEDES; ULYSSES and TROILUS following

ACHILLES
Come, come, enter my tent.

Exeunt ACHILLES, HECTOR, AJAX, and NESTOR

THERSITES
That same Diomed's a false-hearted rogue, a most
unjust knave; I will no more trust him when he leers
than I will a serpent when he hisses: he will spend
his mouth, and promise, like Brabbler the hound:
but when he performs, astronomers foretell it; it
is prodigious, there will come some change; the sun
borrows of the moon, when Diomed keeps his
word. I will rather leave to see Hector, than
not to dog him: