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    Evan Esar Quotes

    American Humorist

    Quotes by Evan Esar

    • A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended.
    • A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.
    • All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow.
    • America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.
    • Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
    • Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.
    • Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.
    • Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.
    • Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.
    • Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them.
    • Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary.
    • The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.
    • The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.
    • Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage.
    • You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth.
    • It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
      Esar's Comic Dictionary
    • Many a man who falls in love with a dimple make the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
      Esar's Comic Dictionary
    • Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing.
      Esar's Comic Dictionary
    • Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won't stand up either.
      Esar's Comic Dictionary
    • Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
      Esar's Comic Dictionary
    • Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.
      Esar's Comic Dictionary
    • Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
      Esar's Comic Dictionary
    If we're missing any Evan Esar books or quotes, do email us.

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