Fran Lebowitz Quotes

All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.

I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.

My favorite animal is steak.

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

Special-interest publications should realize that if they are attracting enough advertising and readers to make a profit, the interest is not so special.

Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.