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    "Don't laugh at a youth for his affectations; he is only trying on one face after another to find his own."
     

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    Groucho Marx Quotes

    American comedian with Marx Brothers

    Quotes by Groucho Marx

    • A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
    • Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
      Age
    • Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
    • From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
    • Go, and never darken my towels again.
    • I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.
    • I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
    • I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
    • I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.
    • I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
    • It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
    • Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
    • Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
    • Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
    • My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
    • Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
    • She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
    • Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
    • Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
    • Women should be obscene and not heard.
    • I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
      In the film A Day at the Races
    If we're missing any Groucho Marx books or quotes, do email us.

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