Robert Benchley Quotes

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony.

I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle.

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.

There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.