The Angry Author: His Farewell

I have republished all these old articles of mine because they cover a
very controversial period, in which I was in nearly all the controversies,
whether I was visible there or no. And I wish to gather up into this last
article a valedictory violence about all such things; and then pass to
where, beyond these voices, there is peace--or in other words, to the
writing of Penny Dreadfuls; a noble and much-needed work. But before I
finally desert the illusions of rationalism for the actualities of romance,
I should very much like to write one last roaring, raging book telling
all the rationalists not to be so utterly irrational. The book would be
simply a string of violent vetoes, like the Ten Commandments. I would
call it "Don'ts for Dogmatists; or Things I am Tired Of."

This book of intellectual etiquette, like most books of etiquette, would
begin with superficial things; but there would be, I fancy, a wailing
imprecation in the words that could not be called artificial; it might
begin thus:-(1) Don't use a noun and then an adjective that crosses out
the noun. An adjective qualifies, it cannot contradict. Don't say, "Give
me a patriotism that is free from all boundaries." It is like saying,
"Give me a pork pie with no pork in it." Don't say, "I look forward to
that larger religion that shall have no special dogmas." It is like
saying, "I look forward to that larger quadruped who shall have no feet."
A quadruped means something with four feet; and a religion means something
that commits a man to some doctrine about the universe. Don't let the
meek substantive be absolutely murdered by the joyful, exuberant adjective.

(2) Don't say you are not going to say a thing, and then say it. This
practice is very flourishing and successful with public speakers. The
trick consists of first repudiating a certain view in unfavourable terms,
and then repeating the same view in favourable terms. Perhaps the
simplest form of it may be found in a landlord of my neighbourhood, who
said to his tenants in an election speech, "Of course I'm not going to
threaten you, but if this Budget passes the rents will go up." The thing
can be done in many forms besides this. "I am the last man to mention
party politics; but when I see the Empire rent in pieces by irresponsible
Radicals," etc. "In this hall we welcome all creeds. We have no hostility
against any honest belief; but only against that black priestcraft and
superstition which can accept such a doctrine as," etc. "I would not say
one word that could ruffle our relations with Germany. But this I will
say; that when I see ceaseless and unscrupulous armament," etc. "Please
don't do it. Decide to make a