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    A Ballade Of An Anti-puritan

    by Gilbert Keith Chesterton
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    They spoke of Progress spiring round,
    Of light and Mrs Humphrey Ward--
    It is not true to say I frowned,
    Or ran about the room and roared;
    I might have simply sat and snored--
    I rose politely in the club
    And said, 'I feel a little bored;
    Will someone take me to a pub?'

    The new world's wisest did surround
    Me; and it pains me to record
    I did not think their views profound,
    Or their conclusions well assured;
    The simple life I can't afford,
    Besides, I do not like the grub--
    I want a mash and sausage, 'scored'--
    Will someone take me to a pub?

    I know where Men can still be found,
    Anger and clamorous accord,
    And virtues growing from the ground,
    And fellowship of beer and board,
    And song, that is a sturdy cord,
    And hope, that is a hardy shrub,
    And goodness, that is God's last word--
    Will someone take me to a pub?

    Prince, Bayard would have smashed his sword
    To see the sort of knights you dub--
    Is that the last of them--O Lord
    Will someone take me to a pub?
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